


and they'll say "Boys Will Be Boys"

by TechnicalTragedy



Category: Night at the Museum (Movies)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - High School, Asexual Relationship, Background Relationships, Car Accidents, Child Abuse, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Growing Up, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Multi, Name Changes, Past Character Death, Self-Hatred, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-17
Updated: 2015-08-17
Packaged: 2018-04-15 02:17:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 33,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4589262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TechnicalTragedy/pseuds/TechnicalTragedy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Of course, Jeddy," she says sweetly, then turns to Lance to start planning their 'amazeballs partay,' which Octavius eventually joins in on. Some of the phrases used are 'totally radical disco ball,' 'putrid punch,' and 'awesomesauce mix.'</p><p>Jedediah feels like he's suddenly hanging around a bunch of tweens and half-expects the glittery Team Edward shirts to pop into existence on his friends' bodies. Unfortunately, it doesn't happen. He thinks Octavius would've totally rocked the sparkles.</p><p> </p><p>- - -</p><p> </p><p>Senior year was supposed to be like every other year in the past. Jedediah and Octavius never took the possibility of each other into account.</p>
            </blockquote>





	and they'll say "Boys Will Be Boys"

**Author's Note:**

> a while back, i set a deadline for myself to finish this story. ~34 thousand words, lots of stressing, and over a month and a half later, it's finally done. i wanna thank [bee](http://agenttttcarter.tumblr.com), [pae](http://paeinovis.tumblr.com), and [frigid](http://frigidlyauthorial.tumblr.com) for listening to me yell and complain about this endlessly and bee for helping beta this in its early stages.
> 
> it's been a long ride, but i'm quite proud of how this has turned out! it's the longest thing i've ever written and i've grown quite fond of the universe, but all good things must come to an end eventually. i did the art myself (sorry i'm not the best artist eeee) and there's lots of pictures in the fic. i puts lots of hard work in and i hoped you guys think it payed off!
> 
> also there's like five million references to the natm movies and lots of other popular media and kudos to you if you catch all of them.
> 
> (putting potential trigger warnings and some info abt characters in the endnotes just in case [check tags for mentions of the content and if you think you need to check the endnotes too for a little more detail on them please do so] but warning for some spoilers if you check the endnotes)
> 
> without further ado, here's _and they say, "Boys Will Be Boys" _! enjoy!__

 

 

** TEN YEARS AGO **

 

** MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY **

****

****

****

One of Jedediah's most vivid memories goes like this:

 

He's eight years old and struggling to see the cowboy diorama at the Museum of Natural History. He's not quite tall enough to see over the edge, though he's trying his hardest. He's one of the shortest boys in his grade, a fact that everyone constantly teases him for. His mother says he'll hit his growth spurt eventually, but his twin sister, Jessica, is the tallest girl in the school, so shouldn't he already be tall?

 

Jem tries to pull himself up over the edge, but he isn't strong enough to do it and ends up back on the ground. He can feel tears springing to his eyes, but he's forcing himself not to cry. He's a big boy, and Daddy says big boys don't cry.

 

"Hey," a voice says from beside him, and Jem turns to see who it is. It's a boy with weird skin, and he looks kind of familiar, but Jem doesn't know who he is. The boy is holding a wooden box in his hands, and he looks between the diorama and Jem's face. "I saw you're too short to see the cowboys," the boy says.

 

"I'm not short!" Jem says.

 

The boy nods. "Okay. I saw you couldn't see the cowboys. I brought you this box, so you could see."

 

Jem's torn between being indignant and accepting the box. He hates when people call him short, but he really wants to see the cowboys. "Okay," he says, and the boy sets the box on the ground. Jem steps up onto it, making him just tall enough to see into the diorama.

 

The boy stands beside Jem, just as tall as him even without the box. "How old are you?" the boy asks.

 

Jem frowns over at him, not sure what that has to do with anything. "I'm eight," he answers.

 

"Me too," the boy says. "What's your name?"

 

"I'm Jeremiah, but people call me Jem."

 

"I'm Octavius, but people call me Tavi."

 

Jem smiles at him, then turns back to the cowboys. "Thanks, Tavi."

 

Octavius doesn't take his eyes off of Jeremiah. "You're welcome, Jem."

 

They'd gone their separate ways shortly after, but Jem had wondered about the boy with the dark curls for months afterwards, until school started up again. After that, he'd known exactly who Octavius Gaius was, and their time together at the museum felt like ancient history.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

** SENIOR YEAR **

 

** AUGUST **

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"You know, Jed," Amelia says as she sits herself down at their group's usual lunch table, "this whole, um, grumpy cowboy-hipster aesthetic you've got going on? I think it's time to get a new look. This one is getting a bit old."

 

Jed rolls his eyes, poking at his "mashed potatoes" with a spoon. They don't look edible, just like lumpy milk. Maybe it's supposed to coagulate? It's been three years, yet he still hopes they'll someday be appetizing. He puts his spoon down and hopes the potatoes won't come to life when he takes his eyes off of the tray."I don't know what you're talking about, pal. My 'grumpy cowboy-hipster aesthetic' works for me. All the girls _and_ the boys wanna take a ride with the Midnight Cowboy."

 

Amelia rolls her eyes. "Not all of them."

 

Jedediah frowns. "What? Has somebody been talking bad about me? If it was Chris, you tell him he can-"

 

"No, Jed," Amelia says, laughing. "I'm talking about me, silly."

 

Jed gives her a look. "While that may be true, it's not really fair. You don't wanna ride with _anybody_. Asexuality must be nice, like being a girl. I mean, your baloney pony never gets raring to go when you're thinking about sex and then you're like 'whoa there, partner, I don't think-'"

 

"As nice as it is to talk about your penis problems, can we save that conversation for another time? Preferably when we aren't eating?" Amelia asks, but she just looks amused.

 

With a put-upon sigh, Jed concedes. "Alright, alright. If you really want me to."

 

"Thanks, 'partner,'" she says, imitating his accent.

 

"See, you can't even say it right. It's not just 'partner,' it's more of a 'pardner,' you feel me?" Jed says.

 

Amelia rolls her eyes again. "Yeah, of course, Mr. Cowboy Expert."

 

Jed stops paying attention for a minute, inspecting his potatoes again and seeing if they look more edible than they had earlier. They don't. In fact, the tiny mountains of solid potato seem to be slowly sinking into the milky ocean. It's a true tragedy, and he gives the potatoes up as a lost cause, instead turning his attention to the chicken-fried steak. Or, well, chicken-fried _something_. When he finally looks back up from his tray, all of his friends have appeared and they're staring at him expectantly. He blinks at them, wondering what he'd missed. "Huh?" he says, because nobody ever says Jedediah Smith isn't smart.

 

Ahk rolls his eyes. He's been hanging around Amelia too much, probably. "We were talking about Dex's new boyfriend. You know, Easter?"

 

"Dex's got boyfriend?" Jedediah asks, then, "Wait, linebacker Easter? Easter, six feet and five inches of solid muscle? Could squish  Dex like a bug?"

 

"Yeah, that one," Ahk says.

 

"Nice description, Jed. You should write a book," Tilly teases.

 

Jed rolls his eyes. Maybe he's been spending too much time with Amelia, too. "Well paint me green and call me a turnip! Ain't that just the darnedest idea I ever done heard of? You're a right genius, Till."

 

"Oh no, he's brought out the cowboy speak," Nick says. "Do we have a translator?"

 

Amelia nods seriously, leaning forward on the table. "I learned all I know back in the golden days of the Wild West, out on the frontiers. From what I can figure, Jedediah said something along the lines of, 'Wow, that's a great idea! Thank you, Tilly.' That's just an approximation, however. The English language doesn't quite have the words to describe what our friend just said."

 

"Jedediah," Wea says, and everyone shuts up because when Wea talks you listen, "how's your novel coming along?"

 

Jed grins at her. "See, Wea, this is why you're my favorite. These fiddle-faddles've got no tact. My book's coming along well, thank you for asking. I've kinda hit a wall, but hopefully my mojo is gonna kick back in soon."

 

"I hope your 'mojo' comes back soon, my friend," Teddy says, and Teddy is definitely Jed's second favorite.

 

"Thanks, Teddy," Jedediah says.

 

A pocket of silence descends over the table as they all prod at their food to see if it's any good. Wea, genius that she is, always thinks to bring her own lunch so she doesn't have to eat the cafeteria's mysterious, sometimes-edible food. Jed tells himself that he should start bringing his own lunch, but the thought of getting up earlier in the morning is a tragic one, so he quickly abandons that train of thought.

 

"We should introduce ourselves to Dex's new friends," Tilly says out of the blue. Everyone looks up at her, and she shrugs. "There's a cute boy sitting with them."

 

Amelia frowns across the table at her. "Wait, what about that girl you were after? What was her name? P-something, right? Penny?"

 

"Her name was Erica," Tilly says, sighing. "But it turns out all that staring in Theatre was actually at Lewis, not me. Erica finally asked him out and they've been dating since Tuesday."

 

Ahk looks at her curiously. "You don't mean Lewis as in Merriweather Lewis, do you?"

 

Tilly nods, eyes wide. "Oh yeah. Like, Lewis and Clark? Mhm, that one."

 

"I thought Lewis was with Clark!" Nick says.

 

Tilly shakes her head sadly. "We all did, my small friend."

 

"You're a sophomore," Nick says, frowning. "I'm a junior."

 

"Small friend," Tilly insists, patting his arm consolingly.

 

Nick shrugs, apparently fine with being the 'small friend.'

 

"I think it's a good idea, to go introduce ourselves to them," Wea says. "We could make friends with their group. Maybe we could even join together."

 

Teddy claps twice in quick succession, delighted by Wea's idea. He's delighted by everything Wea says, though, so it's not unusual. "Brilliant! We could form a, um, a super-group!" He turns serious, face thoughtful, "Maybe we could call ourselves a 'squad,' even."

 

Ahk squints at Teddy, then reaches up to rub between his eyes. "Teddy, do me a favor and please never refer to us a squad, again."

 

Amelia laughs at him. "What, Ahk? You don't think the idea of being a squad is a good one? Why, I might even call us a _posse_ ," she says, one again trying to adopt a Southern accent.

 

"Saddle up!" Jedediah says, "We'll ride over yonder to that there posse's territory, sidle on up to 'em and join in on their ol' hootenanny. We'll have us a good, old-fashioned powwow and befriend them, then when their backs are turned we'll swoop on in and swipe up ol' Dexy!"

 

The whole group stares at him silently for a few moments, not entirely sure how to react to that particular string of nonsense.

 

"Jed, hon, I love you, but I think you might be laying it on a bit thick, there. Not everything you say has to be some weird word you pulled out of a cowboy hat. You can maintain your aesthetic without the gibberish," Amelia says, finally. The group nods as one. Jed finds it creepy.

 

"I'm just messing with all of you. You wanna go say hello to Dex's new gang? Let's go on and say hi. Won't kill us, I'm sure," he says. He waggles his eyebrows at Tilly, "Maybe you'll even get a hot date out of the ordeal."

 

They all stand up. Seriously, they're scarily in-sync. It's kind of freaking Jedediah out, and he's part of it. They abandon their lunch trays and go to say hello to their little friends.

 

Jed decides he isn't going to make Scarface references. Not even in his own head.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

Octavius notices the large group approaching, but for all he tries to think of their reasoning, it just doesn't come to him. He taps Lancelot on the shoulder, and he turns, curious. Octavius wordlessly points at the group growing ever closer, and Lancelot's eyes widen.

 

"Oh, wow," he says.

 

"I know. What are they-" Octavius starts.

 

"Who is that?" Lancelot interrupts, and Octavius blinks at him. "Tavi, man, who is she? She's so beautiful," he says, eyes wide on the girl at the front of the group.

 

Even though Octavius bats for the other team, he will admit that the girl is quite pretty. She's got red hair cut short, and Octavius thinks her name is Amelia. "Why don't you talk to her? They do seem to be heading right for us."

 

"They?" Lancelot asks, shaking his head. He seems to notice the group, if the surprise on his face is anything to go by. "Whoa, where did they come from?"

 

Octavius stares at his friend disbelievingly. "You really didn't notice them?"

 

Lance shrugs. "I don't know, Tavi. I was distracted."

 

Octavius opens his mouth to reply, but then the group is upon them.

 

"Howdy!" the blond ringleader says, grinning. It doesn't quite reach his eyes, but it doesn't seem entirely fake. "We just thought we'd swing by, see how it's going. Word is Dex's hanging out with y'all, now."

 

At the sound of his name, Dexter turns, smiling when he sees the group. "Oh! Hey, guys, what's up?"

 

The redhead steps forward, eyes flicking over toward Octavius before settling on Dexter. "Hey, Dex. We just came over to make friends! We figured, since you and Easter are a thing now, that we'd introduce ourselves to this little, uh, _posse_."

 

Dexter laughs at the word posse, and Octavius doesn't really understand why. Sure, it's a silly word, but with the way maybe-Amelia said it, he thinks it might be an inside joke of some sort. Octavius glances at the blond guy, thinking that maybe he looks a bit like a cowboy, now that Octavius cares to place it. Maybe it's some sort of joke aimed at him? He looks like a man who'd use the word _posse_.

 

"You came here to introduce yourselves?" Octavius finds himself asking. Everyone turns to look at him. It's like facing down a herd of bulls, or possibly owls. "Why don't you do that, then? We can be civil." He glances around the table, notices that nobody is paying attention, and sighs. Off the football field, his teammates really are the most unobservant people on the planet. Octavius gives a sharp whistle and they all turn quickly to look at him, noticing the group for the first time. Octavius is always in awe of their power to not notice a single thing going on around them. "We have guests," he says simply.

 

The cowboy whistles, but not to get attention like Octavius. It's more of a 'well looky there' kind of whistle, if Octavius was going to label it. "Alright y'all, let's go on ahead and introduce ourselves to our new pals."

 

Octavius stares at the blond, fairly certain he already knows his name. "Wait, are you Jeremiah Smith?" he asks, and the cowboy's face goes through a lightning-fast myriad of emotion, before forcing itself into indignation.

 

"The name's _Jedediah_ Smith, Mr. Octavus," Jedediah says, and Octavius frowns.

 

"It's _Octavius_ , Jeremiah," Octavius says, and Lancelot chuckles at his side. Octavius frowns at him, too, and Lance looks away.

 

"So that's how it's gonna be, huh?" Jedediah says, and Octavius turns back to him. The cowboy's hat is tilted back enough to where Octavius can see his crooked nose. Why are they letting him wear a hat in school? "I see, I see." He looks back at his group. "Why don't y'all go ahead and introduce yourselves?"

 

They make the rounds. The girls are Amelia, Sacagawea ("Call me Wea."), and Tilly. The guys are Teddy, Ahkmenrah ("Ahk is what I prefer."), Nicky, and of course Jedediah.

 

"That's Attila," Octavius says, "and there's his, um, platonic life partner? I'm not quite sure, exactly, but they're George. We call them Custer." Octavius gestures at them, then at Neanderthal. "That's Neanderthal, but he hates being called that, so he's Laaa, instead. We don't know why. You know Stone- erm, Easter, I presume, so that's everybody."

 

"Hey, you forgot me," Lance says, pouting.

 

Octavius rolls his eyes. "How could I forget you, my beautiful wide receiver?"

 

"You bet I'm a beautiful wide receiver, Tavi," Lance says with a wink, and Octavius just rolls his eyes again.

 

"Wait, I know you," Jed says. Octavius and Lance both turn to him. "You're, uh, Guinevere?"

 

Lance's face darkens and Octavius shakes his head. "No, _his_ name is Lancelot. Lance, to his friends."

 

Jed's eyes widen. "Oh! Oh, I'm sorry, man, um, bro? Dude. I don't know. Partner?"

 

"Just stop talking, Jedediah. It's Lancelot," Lance says.

 

Octavius watches as Jedediah shifts on his feet, obviously embarrassed, and decides to try and dispel the awkwardness. "You know me, I guess. I'm Octavius Gaius."

 

Jed keeps his head down, but watches Octavius and Lance from under the brim of his hat. He feels bad, but he really hadn't known. Maybe he should apologize again?

 

Before he can open his mouth, Amelia is pushing him aside and taking a seat in front of the boys. "So hey, Lance, you're in my Pre-Calc class, right? Yeah, did you understand number eight on the homework last night?" Lance grins at her and grabs his backpack.

 

Nick and Ahk stick close together, wandering over to Attila and Custer, while Teddy and Wea take seats next to Easter and Dex. Tilly slides in next to Laaa, already smiling like the cat who caught the canary.

 

Octavius looks up at Jedediah, and they have a weird staring contest for a minute before Octavius clears his throat and glances away. He pretends not to notice the triumph on Jedediah's face as he stands and walks around the table to him.

 

"Hey there, Ockie," Jed says like they're old friends and haven't just been shunted together by the oddly seamless merging of their groups.

 

"Hello, Jed," Octavius says, the nickname not really feeling right as he says it. "We have the same APUSH class."

 

Jed raises his eyebrows. "That we do. Hate the class, even though history's my favorite subject."

 

Octavius finds himself intrigued. "You like history?" Octavius loves history.

 

"Love it," Jed says, nodding. "Always have. Lotta my friends think it's boring, but to me it's just so..." he trails off, eyes darting back and forth as if he's reading the air, ready to pluck a phrase from right in front of his eyes. Jed looks back at Octavius, smiling, "It's a learning experience, more than anything else. History teaches you not to repeat it, while stuff like math and literacy, well, you're made to repeat all of it again and again. History is something new every time, yeah? Two different solutions for the same problem, but two thousand years apart. And it's _real_ , y'know?" Jedediah's eyes are wide, his hands gesticulating furiously as he speaks. It's obviously something he's passionate about. "Somebody actually _did_ all that stuff, and we learned from it and have used it to better our lives today."

 

Jedediah's hat is askew and his eyes are wide as he keeps talking about why he loves history so much, but what Octavius focuses on is the wild blue of his eyes and the shape of his mouth while he talks. In the back of his mind, all Octavius can think is _oh, shit_.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

Jedediah notices something is wrong with Octavius a few weeks later. The football captain hasn't been eating, has the impressions of dark circles under his eyes, like he's been getting sleep, but it hasn't been all that restful. Their other friends don't seem to realize something's up, but Jed has been spending some time with the guy, and he's started to notice what constitutes 'normal' for him. This, most definitely, is not what normal looks like.

 

Jed isn't sure how to bring it up, so he just keeps a closer eye on Ockie, tries to suggest eating when he sees his food is all still there, tries to walk him to class more often, sit closer in history, make Octavius pay attention. It confusing, how fast Octavius seems to have flipped his personality, and Jedediah has no idea why he has. Sometimes it seems like even Octavius doesn't know.

 

"You should give me your phone number," Jedediah says on Friday.

 

Octavius blinks up at him, eyes glazed over despite his team around him getting pumped for their game tonight. "My phone number?" he grins, but it lacks its spark. "Are you coming on to me?"

 

"Come on, we're friends. Friends exchange numbers, and I realized I don't have yours," Jedediah says, and Octavius just nods and reaches a hand out like he thinks his phone is already in it. Jedediah digs his phone out of his skinny jeans and puts it in the proffered hand.

 

"There," Octavius says after a few moments of tapping the screen, and Jedediah glances down at the contact, breaking into a grin once he sees it.

 

 

"Wow," Jed says, "a nickname _and_ a winky face? People are gonna think something's goin' on here."

 

Octavius raises an eyebrow and put on this ridiculous face. "Isn't there?" he asks, making his voice lower than usual.

 

Jedediah finds himself laughing, and he almost forgets how weird Octavius has been acting these past few days. Almost. "Now let me put my number in your phone," Jed says. With a sigh, Octavius finds and hands over his phone, and Jedediah is already plotting what to make his contact.

 

 

"Ah, yes," Octavius says upon seeing the new contact. "I see the fine art of winky-face contacts is one you're familiar with, too"

 

Jed pops his knuckles and puts on as silly a face as the one Octavius had worn a few minutes ago. "I consider myself a little bit of an emoticon _expert_. Emojis are completely lost on me, though. You got emojis, boi?"

 

"I could pretty much hear the way you replaced the 'y' in 'boy' with an 'i', Jed," Octavius says, and Jedediah knows he's busted. "If you text like you talk, I don't know what I'll do."

 

Jedediah bats his eyes at Ockie. "Fall in love with me even more?" he suggests.

 

Octavius smiles, but it's small, warm. "Sure, Jedediah," he says, and the honesty in his voice makes Jed want to crawl under a rock.

 

They go back to their separate lunchtime activities as if nothing had happened: Jedediah opening up his notebook and scribbling down ideas for his book; Octavius staring down at his tray and trying to convince himself to eat the too-dry chicken nuggets.

 

Later, after school ends, after the game is over, after Octavius is home and showered and laying in bed and exhausted, Jedediah texts him.

 

 

Jedediah smiles at the last message Octavius sends. "Never," he repeats to himself, and fires off another message.

 

 

Octavius realizes the time after Jedediah says he's going to sleep, and touches his cheek where his grin is making it ache. It's nice, he decides, to have a friend like Jedediah Smith.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

 

Sometimes, though, Octavius wonders if it really is nice to have a friend like Jedediah Smith.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

** SEPTEMBER **

 

 

\- - -

 

 

Octavius is being distant again on a Monday, looking smaller, sadder, sorrier. Jedediah still doesn't know what's wrong with him, why sometimes he seems okay and other times he seems like he's the exact opposite of okay. Is there a word for the opposite of okay?

 

"What's the opposite of okay?" Jedediah asks Amelia in the middle of their English class.

 

Amelia stares at him blankly for a moment. "Not okay," she says, going back to work.

 

"Alright, smartass. I see how it is," Jed says, and turns back to his worksheet about The Great Gatsby. Of course, since he's a 'grumpy cowboy-hipster,' he'd read it before it'd been assigned. He really does love the book, though, so the worksheet is a breeze. Getting done with it early leaves him plenty of time to formulate a plan.

 

Jedediah stops his car in front of Octavius after football practice ends. Brown eyes peer inquisitively at him, and Jedediah just motions to the passenger seat. Awkwardly, like he's nervous, Octavius climbs into the car and turns to look at Jedediah.

 

"Buckle up, partner. We're going for a ride," Jed says, and Octavius grabs for his seatbelt just as the car starts rolling.

 

A thunk from the back of the car grabs the attention of both passengers, and they notice Rex running along behind the car, waving something at them. It looks like Ockie's backpack, and Jedediah grins as he rolls down the window.

 

"Keep it 'til tomorrow, kemosabe!" he calls back to Rex, and the huge guy stops chasing them, the backpack dangling from his hand as he watches the car peal out of the parking lot.

 

Octavius glares at Jedediah. "Why did you do that? My homework is in there and I need that backpack tonight! Go back for it. Now."

 

Jedediah shakes his head. "No can do, pal. Y'see, where we're going, we don't need backpacks. Also, I know you finished most of your homework already and we can just do the rest tomorrow."

 

"Where are we going?" Octavius asks, still looking annoyed, but less like he's going to grab the steering wheel from Jed's hands and make him turn around.

 

"Wherever the road takes us, boi. A little adventuring is good for the soul," Jed says.

 

Octavius sighs, and the click of his seatbelt is finally heard. "First you butcher a _Back to the Future_ reference, and now you've moved on to _Star Trek_? I think you watch too much television."

 

"You can't exactly judge there, Ockie. You're the one who understood both of those references," Jedediah points out. He glances over at Octavius, who's frowning, and knows he's got him there. Jed looks back at the road and feels victorious.

 

"Do you really not have a destination in mind?" Octavius asks.

 

Jed bites his lip, wondering how much he should tell Ockie. "I do," he settles on saying.

 

"Care to elaborate?" Octavius prompts.

 

"That'd ruin the surprise," Jedediah tells him. "I think it will help you, though, so just trust me."

 

There's a pause, and Jedediah can feel Octavius staring at him. "Alright, Jed," Octavius eventually says, "I trust you."

 

Jed flashes him a quick smile and turns on the radio so he doesn't have to sit in the silence with those weighty, honest words.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

Octavius doesn't expect them to go to the beach. The beach is a long stretch of empty sand, no people or even animals in sight, because nobody comes to the beach at five in the afternoon on a Monday in September. The sun is still in the sky, cars are whizzing past every few seconds, and the water is a murky, brackish brown, but Jedediah is grinning at Octavius like this is the greatest idea he's ever had.

 

"I'm gonna get the stuff I packed out of the car. Don't go anywhere," he says with a wink. Jed knows just as well as Octavius that he can't exactly leave. It's way too far to walk, since it's almost an hour-long drive to get to the beach in the first place.

 

Another thing on the list of things Octavius doesn't expect is a blanket and a cooler. "What? You just had that in your car? Jed, you planned this," Octavius accuses.

 

Jedediah shrugs unapologetically. "Of course I did, Ockie. Why d'ya think I wasn't at lunch today?" He sets the cooler down and starts laying the blanket out.

 

Octavius had eaten in the library today, so he hadn't noticed Jedediah was gone, but he doesn't mention that. "Why did you bring me out here?" he asks.

 

Jed grins, grabbing the cooler and putting it on the blanket. "We're friends, yeah? School's got you so muddled up you don't know a flapjack from a flyswatter. You need to lose some of that stress, boi."

 

"What's a flapjack?" Octavius asks.

 

Jedediah gives him a scandalized look as he flops down on the blanket. "I need to give you a proper food education, boi. The fact that you don't know what a flapjack means that I have failed you as a friend."

 

Octavius snorts out a laugh and settles on the blanket next to Jedediah, who is staring at him with wide eyes. "What?" Octavius asks.

 

"You just snorted, Ockie," Jed says, a smile growing on his face. "You snort when you laugh!"

 

"Shut up," Octavius sniffs, hating that he can feel himself blushing. He tries to will it away, but then Jed's hand is on his cheek and it sends heat crawling over his skin.

 

Octavius raises his eyebrows questioningly at Jedediah, who shrugs and removes his hand. "I think it's adorable, boi," he says, and he grins like he can feel the resurgence of heat to his friend's cheeks.

 

"I'm the captain of the football team," Octavius says, "I'm not 'adorable' in any sense of the word."

 

Jedediah gives him a look and turns to the cooler. "Whatever you say, Ockie," he says as he pops the lid of the cooler off and starts pulling tupperware containers out of it. When he's done, there's a veritable feast laid out on the blanket.

 

Octavius pokes at a few containers, feeling just a bit overwhelmed. "What is all this?" he asks.

 

"Oh, this is just some stuff I threw together," Jedediah says casually.

 

"You just threw this together? This is enough to feed a small army, Jed," Octavius says.

 

Jedediah fishes around in the cooler and emerges with forks and spoons. He hands one of each to Jedediah and cracks open a tupperware container. "You should try these sausages," he says, "I did a pretty good job on 'em, if I do say so myself."

 

"So you really did make all of this?" Octavius asks, spearing a sausage on his fork and eating while Jedediah answers.

 

"'Course I did," Jed says, as if the insinuation that he might not have made it all himself is an insult. "Didn't take too long, really. I started most of it this morning and asked my mom to keep an eye on it while I was at school. The pot roast I started last night, though. For a good pot roast, you've really gotta let it sit awhile."

 

Octavius looks at Jedediah incredulously. "What all did you make, Jed? I didn't even know you could cook."

 

Jedediah's mouth twists. "It's not exactly somethin' I'll go hollering through the halls about. Dad says it's 'unbecoming of a man' to know how to cook like I do. You're in luck, though, 'cause I don't put much stock into stuff my father says. He also thinks it's unbecoming for a man to like other men. He'd be real disappointed in ol' Jedediah if he knew what I got up to."

 

"And what, exactly, have you been getting up to?" Octavius asks, hoping he's not crossing a line. He didn't even think Jedediah was gay, but now he wants to know more about him. Octavius thinks that he wants to know more about Jedediah than anyone else does.

 

"Well, I made this lovely meal for a cute boy, for one thing," Jed says, winking at Octavius, "but the last time I was into a girl was, hm, a couple months ago? Never made her a meal like this."

 

Octavius can feel his cheeks heating up again and looks away, scooping up more food to busy himself. Jedediah called him cute, and there's a big difference between being called cute and adorable. "So, you're interested in boys and girls?" Octavius asks, trying some of the mashed potatoes. They're much more appetizing than those served at school.

 

"Sure am, partner. You ain't got a problem with it, do you?" Jedediah asks.

 

Octavius shakes his head, looking back up at Jed for a second. "No problems here. I've got bi friends and I'm gay, so, yeah. No issues at all."

 

Jed nods, then pulls a thermos from the cooler. "Tea," he says in response to Octavius's expression. Jedediah pours it into two little cups, sets the thermos down, and reaches for the pot roast.

 

They don't talk much after that. Occasionally Octavius will comment on how good something is and Jedediah will thank him, but for the most part they eat quietly, watching the waves lap at the shore and listening to the cars hurtling past.

 

"I think all of our friends are getting together," Octavius says later, when the food is mostly gone and the sun has started to dip below the horizon.

 

"I think so too. Ace and Lance have their thing where they make goo-goo eyes at each other all the time, Dex and Easter were already a thing, Tilly is doing her best to seduce Laaa. Everybody's got somebody, y'know? Even Nick and Ahk have been flirting for months," Jed says. He grins over at Octavius, "The life of a leader is a lonely one, ain't it?"

 

Octavius smiles back, "I wouldn't say we're their leaders, and I wouldn't say we're lonely, either. I mean, we've got each other, right?"

 

Jedediah's grin melts off his face, and he stares at Octavius for a few moments, discerning. "Yeah," he finally says, his lips quirking back up in a tiny smile, "You're my boi. I've got your back." He nods and then reaches for the cooler, bringing out another container. "Now for dessert! These are salted caramel brownies," Jed says, "I am a sucker for salted caramel, Ockie, you don't even know."

 

Octavius acknowledges this new piece of information with a nod, takes a brownie, and goes back to watching the tides roll in and out.

 

Jedediah watches Octavius watch the ocean, trying to commit his profile to memory. With the last dying rays of the sun bathing him in an orange glow, Octavius is achingly beautiful. Jed realizes distantly that he always finds Octavius beautiful. The football captain must feel Jed staring at him because he looks over, his eyebrows twitching confusedly before he smiles. Jedediah smiles back and thinks _oh, shit_.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

The ride home is when most of the talking happens. Jedediah learns that Octavius, in the little free time he has, does fencing and debate, that his favorite color is red, that he's an only child whose parents are distant but still love him, and that he wants to do something meaningful with his life, even if he's not sure exactly what just yet. Conversely, Octavius learns that Jedediah spends most of his free time either writing or cooking, that his favorite color is blue, that he had a twin sister who died nine years ago, and that he wants to be an author or a history professor or maybe even both.

 

Octavius directs Jedediah to his house, and they learn that they actually live in adjacent neighborhoods, only about a ten minute's walk away from each other. They sit in the car in front of Octavius's house, staring out at the darkened windows.

 

"It appears that my parents aren't home," Octavius says, and Jedediah can't even pretend not to hear the disappointment in his voice. It's nearing eight in the evening and Octavius knows from experience that if his parents aren't back by now they probably won't be in at all.

 

Jedediah wonders if he should invite Octavius over for the night.

 

"Do you want-" Jed starts, at the same time Octavius says, "Would you-"

 

They stare at each other for a moment.

 

"Would you like to stay over?" Octavius finishes.

 

Jedediah blinks at him, then smiles. "I'll ask the parents, but I'm pretty sure they'll say okay."

 

"You can borrow my clothes, if you want to," Octavius says.

 

"If you say so, boi," Jed says. He pulls his phone from his pocket and calls his mother.

 

"Jeddy? Where are you?" she asks as soon as she picks up.

 

"I'm okay, I'm with a friend. We went to the beach and now he wants to know if I can stay over."

 

"I don't know, hon. Have I ever met this friend? Is this just a friend or is he more of a boyfriend?"

 

Jedediah's cheeks feel warmer, and he glances over at Octavius to see if he heard that. "A friend, ma. You haven't met him. Can I stay at his house?"

 

"It's a school night, Jed," his mother reminds him.

 

"I know, but I have my homework done already and I can just drive us on to school in the morning."

 

"Do you have a change of clothes?"

 

"No, but he's offerin' to let me borrow some of his."

 

"Jed," his mother says.

 

"Ma," he says back.

 

She sighs. "Alright, I'll give you the okay, but you'd better be home for dinner tomorrow night."

 

"'Course. Thanks, ma," he says.

 

"Maybe you could even bring your friend to dinner tomorrow?"

 

Jed looks over at Octavius again, and finds his brown eyes looking back. Jed leans away from the phone. "Ma wants to know if you'll come over for dinner tomorrow night."

 

Octavius's eyes widen, but he nods. "It'd be my pleasure."

 

Jedediah rolls his eyes and puts the phone back to his ear. "He says he'd love to," he tells his mother.

 

"Oh, good. You can never have too many friends, Jeddy."

 

"Okay, ma. See you tomorrow."

 

"See you tomorrow, honey," his mother says, and then they hang up.

 

Jedediah nods at Octavius, and they climb out of the car. Jedediah decides he's just going to leave the cooler in the trunk and lets Octavius lead him up the walkway. The house looks really nice from the outside, but when they step inside Jed is blown away.

 

Jed whistles. "Holy shit, boi. These're some fancy digs."

 

Octavius looks around like he's only just noticing the opulence he lives in, and shrugs. "I suppose. The house is way too big. It's almost as if my parents think that they can just stay on opposite ends of the house and not have to see each other. I think they believe letting me live in this big, empty house will make me feel better about them always fighting."

 

"Ugh. Parents," Jedediah says, and Octavius simply nods in agreement before heading up the stairs. Jed follows, still looking around curiously.

 

Jed is surprised to learn that, compared to the foyer (and Jedediah is comfortable labeling the entrance as a foyer because _damn_ this house is huge), Ockie's room is Spartan. There's a bed in one corner, a desk in the opposite corner, two bookcases, a comfortable-looking chair, and two closed doors.

 

"Wow, Ockie," Jed says, "there's, like, nothing in your room."

 

Octavius shrugs. "I'm not here much. I come here to sleep and sometimes do my homework."

 

Jed throws himself down on Octavius's bed, spreading himself out as wide as he can and closing his eyes. "This is a nice bed," he says.

 

"Thank you?" Octavius says. "I'll get you some pajamas."

 

"If you're wanting me out of my clothes, Ockie, all you gotta do is ask," Jed says, winking.

 

Octavius turns red, eyes widening. "Oh! I, um, I didn't mean. I mean, you can have pajamas, if you want them. You don't have to wear, um, I mean, I would prefer if you wore clothes, but if-"

 

"Relax, Ockie. Breathe," Jedediah says, laughing. "I'm just busting your balls, boi. Yes, I would appreciate pajamas, thank you."

 

Octavius nods, not quite meeting Jed's eyes, and opens a door, ducking into his walk-in closet. Octavius lets out a breath once the door is shut behind him, squeezing his eyes closed. He can't stop imagining Jedediah naked in his bed, and this is not what he had planned when he'd asked Jed to stay the night. He opens his eyes again, shakes his head, and looks for something for Jedediah to wear. He refuses to make things awkward tonight just because he has a little bit of a crush on Jed.

 

Jed grins up at Octavius's ceiling. Man, the look on Ockie's face when he's flustered is just amazing. He resolves himself to have Octavius get all pink and blushy as often as possible. It definitely has nothing to do with a giant torch he's bearing for him. No possible way.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"Do you believe in aliens, Ockie?"

 

"I think it's foolish to believe we're alone in the universe, yes."

 

"Thank fuck you aren't one of those weird geocentric assholes who thinks we're all that's out here."

 

"I...Thank you?"

 

"Well, I told you to thank fuck. Which I'm not. I could be, though, if you're inter-"

 

"Thank you for the offer, Jed, but maybe another time?"

 

"Sure, okay. Whatever you want, Ockie."

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"Do you have a Snapchat?"

 

"Jed, it's almost midnight. Is now really the time?"

 

"So yes?"

 

"No. I don't."

 

"Aw, boi, we gotta hook you up!"

 

"I just want to sleep. I'll exile you to the next room over, if I must."

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"So you can only see the pictures for a maximum of ten seconds?"

 

"Abso-toot-ly."

 

"That isn't a word, Jed."

 

"You aren't a word."

 

"Inviting you to stay the night was a mistake."

 

 

\- - -

 

 

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"How do I get that picture back?"

 

"No can do, boi. Now Ace knows just how much you love having me over."

 

"Why would you lie to Amelia like that?"

 

"Wow. That was really rude, Ockie. I'm hurt."

 

"Okay, Jed. Really, how do I get it back?"

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"You can, ah, sleep with me."

 

"Octavius, you frisky minx!"

 

"Jedediah, I'm not going to make you sleep on the floor."

 

"I get it, partner. Don't you worry your pretty little head, now. Ol' Jedediah won't defile you in your sleep."

 

"Why must you always make yourself sound like some kind of creepy old man who preys on teenage boys?"

 

"Oh, hush up and get in the bed."

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"Goodnight, Ockie. Sleep tight."

 

"Don't let the bed bugs bite?"

 

"Do you have bed bugs?"

 

"Well, I do have one pest in my bed."

 

"Now that's just uncalled for, boi."

 

 

\- - -

 

 

When Octavius wakes the next morning he can barely breathe, he feels like he's inside a furnace, and he's, surprisingly, the most comfortable he's been in quite some time. Confused, he opens his eyes, and finds Jedediah sprawled on top of him like he belongs there. For a brief moment, he forgets that Jed doesn't actually belong there. He can imagine it: graduating high school, going to the same college, sharing an apartment or a dorm and gradually becoming something more than friends, something exquisite. If he's honest, in that moment Octavius can see himself with Jedediah for the rest of his life, and it's terrifying and far too soon, but he wants it like nothing else in that instant.

 

The alarm interrupts his daydreaming, and Jedediah startles awake, almost punching Octavius in the face as he does so. The blond scowls in the direction of the obnoxious blaring. He shakes his head and seems to realize where he is, his eyes going wide as he takes in his situation. He meets Octavius's gaze and goes pink, making Octavius smile.

 

"Howdy," Octavius says, trying to mimic Jedediah's voice.

 

Jed scowls again, sitting up off of Octavius's chest. "You sound ridiculous when you try to say stuff like that."

 

Octavius shrugs and rolls out of bed, stretching once his feet are on the ground and being rewarded with a satisfying pop. He glances back at Jedediah, finding the blond staring at him and blushing again once he's realized he's been caught.

 

"What time is it?" Jed asks before Octavius can call him out on his staring.

 

Graciously, Octavius decides to let it slide. "Six," he answers easily.

 

Jedediah looks absolutely horrified. "Six in the morning?"

 

"Yes, Jedediah, six in the morning. Some people," Octavius gives Jedediah a pointed look, "like to arrive to school on time."

 

"Whatever, I'm up. We gonna have breakfast or anything before we head on out?" Jed asks, and he sounds so hopeful, like he's afraid Octavius will deny him a meal.

 

Octavius shrugs like it doesn't matter to him. "If you want, of course. Would you like a shower?"

 

"Eh," Jedediah says, "maybe. Do you think I stink?"

 

"You smell like a fresh daisy, Jed," Octavius deadpans.

 

"So I do stink. Alright, I'll shower. You gonna gather me up some clothes to wear for the day?" Jedediah asks as he walks backwards toward where he's pretty sure the en suite bathroom is.

 

Octavius waves a hand as he goes through some simple stretches, and Jedediah takes that as a yes. He stares at Ockie's ass in his sweatpants for a few moments before shaking himself and ducking into the bathroom. "Holy shit," he says, looking around the giant bathroom. "This might be bigger than my entire room back at home." Jedediah pokes around the room a bit more, then checks out the shower.

 

Jedediah is pretty sure he would get with anybody if they had a shower like the one Octavius has. It's completely glass, pressed up against the tile wall, and you can control everything about the shower with a fancy little controller-pad doohickey on the wall just out of reach of the shower head's spray. Jed's a little bit in love with it, could wax poetic about this glorious shower, and he can't wait to be naked and inside of it.

 

It's a religious experience, showering in there. Jedediah feels exalted, like he's an ancient Roman general being cleaned by his droves of adoring - and sexy - fans. He can't see himself as a Roman, though. He's always thought they were assholes.

 

The door opens and Jedediah realizes with a horrifying clarity that he cannot possibly hide in a completely-glass shower. Octavius walks into view, they lock eyes, and Octavius's face contorts into one of horror.

 

" _Oh my god I'm so sorry Jedediah I didn't know_ -"

 

" _How could you just forget I'm in the shower you have a pile of clothes_ -"

 

" _I forgot that showering meant getting naked holy shit you're naked_ -"

 

" _How could you forget that people are naked when they shower get out of here_ -"

 

" _I'm so sorry Jed oh my god_ -" the door slamming closed cuts off whatever else Octavius might have said.

 

Jedediah stares at the door for a few moments, numbly shutting the shower off. What the fuck, he thinks. "What the fuck," he says out loud. Jed stumbles from the shower of the gods and towels off, feeling supremely uncomfortable. He pulls Octaviu's clothes on and kind of hates how something small in him revels at the scent of Ockie surrounding him in such a complete way.

 

"Can we please never discuss what just happened," Octavius says as soon as Jedediah opens the bathroom door.

 

Jed blinks at him. "Yeah, okay. But, wait. I have a question."

 

Octavius grimaces, not looking at Jedediah. "What...What is it?"

 

"Did you see my wang?" Jed asks bluntly.

 

Octavius turns pink and buries his face in his hands. He doesn't respond.

 

"Is that a yes?"

 

"No. No, I didn't see your 'wang,' Jedediah," Octavius says, sounding more exasperated than anything else.

 

Jedediah nods. "Okay, well-"

 

"I did see your entire ass, though," Octavius says, and Jedediah feels himself blushing, now.

 

"Oh," Jed says. "Um, well. Okay, let's just. Not mention this. Ever."

 

"Alright," Octavius says, straightening up and visibly trying to force himself to stop blushing. "It was a nice butt, if it's any consolation."

 

Jedediah grimaces, a mockery of Octavius's earlier expression. "Can you please not compliment my butt at this time? I appreciate it, don't get me wrong, but now is not a good time for you to be telling me my ass is cute."

 

"Understood," Octavius nods. They stay there awkwardly for a while, trying not to look at each other.

 

"This is so fucking awkward," Jed says, and Octavius nods.

 

"Yes, it is," he agrees. "Um. Breakfast?"

 

Jedediah latches onto that quickly. "Ah, yes. Breakfast sounds delish right about now. Most important meal of the day and all."

 

"Okay, let's go do that," Octavius says.

 

Amazingly, with the kind of raw talent only exhibited by people so deeply in denial they've hit the riverbed, Octavius and Jedediah mostly forget about the shower incident over breakfast.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"You're wearing clothes that aren't yours," Amelia says as soon as she sits down in English, ridiculously early for class just as usual.

 

"Sure ain't," Jedediah agrees.

 

Amelia stares at him expectantly, but he doesn't say anything else. She sighs, rolls her eyes. "Alright, of course. Leave this up to gumshoe Amelia Earhart!" she says, and now Jedediah is sighing. "Hm, it looks like it's a little too big, too comfortable for what you- wait! Oh my f- Jedediah, you dog!" she says, grinning and smacking him on the shoulder. "Why didn't you tell me you were with Octavius?"

 

Jedediah's eyes bulge, he looks away, he clears his throat, he leans back, he crosses his arms. "We're not, I mean, never! I am _not_ with, with Ockie, of all people. He is my friend! My pal, my partner- not that kind of partner. The D Train from Jedediah Junction is not entering Octavius Station."

 

Amelia blinks at him, then starts laughing so hard Jed is afraid she's having some kind of breakdown. She laughs for, like, five minutes straight, and people are trickling in, giving them weird looks, but the teacher isn't here yet so no one really says anything. Finally, Amelia composes herself enough so that she can breathe properly, he face red and her eyes watery. "Hoo, boy. Oh my. That was funny, Jed, I must say. A real hoot-n-holler. I _know_ you're totally into Octavius, you don't have to lie to me. I was pulling your leg, pal, but your reaction says you've got it something terrible."

 

Jed groans and puts his face in his hands without answering. If Amelia's quiet giggling is anything to go by, his silence is answer enough. The following English class is one of the worst of Jedediah's life.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

 

Jedediah puts his phone up quickly as the teacher stands to start lecturing at them again. Jed hardly pays attention to the lesson, too busy agonizing over what it could mean that Octavius called him attractive. A few minutes ago, Jedediah had considered them just friends. Well, friends with an odd sort of tension between them, and the whole bathroom incident this morning, but he's never actually considered the possibility that maybe Octavius would find him attractive. It puts everything in a new light, and to make matters worse, they're going to be having dinner with Jedediah's parents this evening.

 

The phone in Jed's pocket keeps buzzing through the rest of the period, and as class drags on he gets more and more anxious, until finally the teacher gives them free time ten minutes until the lunch bell. Jedediah whips his phone out as soon as he can and checks his messages.

 

 

Jed keeps his eye on the clock for the last six minutes of the period, and when the bell rings he's off like a shot, practically running through the halls to beat Octavius to the practice field. He's there first, as he'd hoped he'd be, but just a minute later Octavius is joining him.

 

They stare at each other awkwardly for a few moments, neither of them saying anything. Octavius has his backpack on. He must've gotten it from Rex at some point.

 

"You think I'm attractive?" Jed finally blurts, when he just can't hold it in anymore.

 

Octavius ducks his head, but nods, almost guiltily.

 

Jedediah sighs in relief. "Oh thank fuck. Just so you know, I think you're hot, too."

 

"You do?" Octavius asks, looking at him in surprise.

 

"Of course I do, boi! You're the captain of the football team, man, you've got these muscles that make all the boy-inclined boys wanna just lick you," Jedediah says.

 

Octavius rubs the back of his neck. "Oh," he says, and at the tone of his voice Jedediah knows he's said something wrong, but he has no idea what.

 

Jedediah stares for a moment, puzzling through it, and when the answer hits him it seems obvious. "Ockie, that's not the only reason why I like you. Yeah, you've got a pretty nice bod, but it's what's _inside_ that bod that counts. You've got a good heart, partner, and you're smart and kind and loyal and sweet. I cherish you, boi."

 

Octavius smiles at that, looking up at Jed. "I know you ripped that straight from 21 Jump Street, but I appreciate the sentiment nonetheless."

 

Jed smiles back at him, and they just stand there for a while, grinning at each other like two total goobers. Octavius reaches forward, Jedediah takes his hand, and they walk to lunch together.

 

"So you two _are_ together! I knew it! Didn't I tell you, Lance?" Amelia says as soon as the boys show up holding hands.

 

Lance nods. "You did tell me," he agrees, and Amelia laughs triumphantly.

 

Jedediah shakes his head at Octavius, who smiles fondly back at him, and that's all that's said on the subject.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"We can't tell my parents," Jedediah says when Octavius climbs into his car after football practice.

 

Octavius blinks owlishly at him. "Tell them what?"

 

"That we're, y'know, whatever we are," Jed says.

 

Octavius sighs. "What are we, Jed? Are we together?"

 

Jedediah looks at him, thinking. He isn't sure what they are. "I don't know. What do you want us to be?"

 

"I can't date you if you aren't out," Octavius says plainly. "I've had enough of secrets and being closeted and dating boys who can't or won't come out. It always comes out one way or another, and sometimes it happens violently."

 

"C'mon, Ockie. You really won't-" Jedediah tries to say.

 

"No, Jed," Octavius interrupts firmly. "I can't be with you if you aren't out to your parents. I'm not the kind of person who can do that. I can't sneak around and lie."

 

Jed sighs. "Alright. I can respect that. What I can't do is come out. Not yet. Dad isn't the most understanding fella, and if I'm honest I don't think it's safe for me to be out right now. Ma promised not to tell him."

 

"I understand, Jed," Octavius says, and places his hand on Jedediah's arm, applies a bit of pressure. "I just can't put anyone in that situation again."

 

Jedediah nods, allowing himself a long look at Octavius's face, before turning his attention to starting the car and the road ahead.

 

The night is a long one. Jedediah and Octavius set up the table, Jed dodging any contact the whole time, and while Jed's mother banishes Octavius to the living room, Jedediah convinces her to let him stay and help cook. Octavius hates the obvious avoidance, but understands how Jedediah might appreciate some space after pretty much being rejected.

 

Jed's father comes home at around seven, right before dinner is due to start, and it's clear that the man is already a little tipsy. He's loud and brash like Jedediah, but at the same time wholly unlike Jed, too. Where Jed is loud and brash but considerate and nice, his father is loud, brash, belligerent, and seemingly displeased at dinner not being completely ready as soon as he gets home.

 

"What d'ya mean, 'dinner's not ready?' That's s'posed to be your job, cookin' for your family. Boy, what're you doin' in the kitchen? This is a woman's place, you ain't a woman, are you?" Mr. Smith says from the kitchen.

 

"We have _company_ , Robert," Octavius hears Jedediah's mother hiss.

 

"Oh, _company_ , izzit?" Mr. Smith booms, and trundles into the living room, spotting Octavius immediately. "Well you oughta be that _company_ , ain't you? Welcome to our humble abode, Mister, ah, _company_." The way Mr. Smith says 'company' is more like 'comp-nee,' and Octavius isn't fond of it. Isn't really fond of Mr. Robert Smith in general, really. The man doesn't extend a hand for Octavius to shake, or ask for his real name, just settles down in an armchair and flips the TV on to a sports channel. "Y'like sports, boy?"

 

"Yes, sir," Octavius answers.

 

"Y'play any sports? My son refuses to get involved in any of 'em, 'spite me encouragin' him to put some muscle on hisself," Mr. Smith says. His Southern accent is even thicker than Jedediah's, and solves the question of how Jed came to have that particular accent despite living in New England.

 

"Yes, sir. I'm the captain of the football team," Octavius says.

 

Mr. Smith looks interested all of a sudden, sitting up in his chair and giving Octavius his full attention. "Ain't that somethin'? What're you doin' hangin' around a shrimp like my boy? You usin' him to try and get at one of his girlie friends?"

 

"No, sir. I just enjoy Jedediah's company," Octavius says, trying to remain civil.

 

Mr. Smith snorts. "Fat lotta good that'll do 'im. Just 'cause you think he's good company don't mean he'll amount to nothin'. He told you what he's wantin' to do with his life? Write books, is what. Ha! You've gotta be _good_ at writin' in order to make a career outta it, and the boy don't wanna show us none of his work. Might as well be the worst damn writer this side of the Mississippi, if he's too shy to even let us read somethin' of his."

 

Octavius really doesn't like Jed's dad, he decides. "I think that's unfair, sir," Octavius says.

 

"Unfair? You don't know unfair, kid. Cowardly, more like it," he says, shaking his head. He turns in his seat, hollering back towards the kitchen, "Julia! You done with dinner yet?"

 

"Yes, honey!" Mrs. Smith calls back to him. "Dinner's ready, you boys come on in to eat!"

 

Dinner is an awkward affair. Jedediah and Octavius sit on one side of the table facing Jed's parents, and Mr. Smith dominates the conversation when there isn't pervasive silence. Once, Mr. Smith starts talking bad to Jedediah, and instead of the defiant firebrand Octavius knows, Jed is meek and small, just taking it. Octavius laces their fingers together under the table in silent support, and Jed squeezes his hand in thanks. When dinner is over, Mrs. Smith tells them they don't have to help out with dishes or anything, despite their protests, so they head to Jedediah's room.

 

Jedediah settles on his bed, putting his head in his hands. Octavius sits beside him, not quite sure what to say. He can definitely see why it isn't safe for Jed to come out, though, and really feels for his friend.

 

"See what I gotta deal with, boi?" Jed finally says with a sigh. He rubs at his crooked nose, and Octavius wonders if his dad had done that to him. "Dad's just, well, unforgiving. Thinks I'm the family disappointment, thinks I don't do good enough in school, thinks I ain't gonna amount to anything. Hell, I'm pretty sure he even blames me for Jess."

 

Octavius still doesn't know what to say, so he leans against Jed, trying to be comforting.

 

Jed puts his head on Octavius's shoulder, and they sit in silence. At some point, Jedediah starts crying, and they end up tangled on the bed, Jedediah letting it all out and Octavius holding him. In between quiet sobs and choking gasps, Octavius can hear whispered apologies and for each 'sorry', Octavius presses gentle kisses to the crown of Jedediah's head and tells Jed that it's okay.

 

The night settles around them, the house quiet aside from the television's low roar from downstairs and interspersed rumblings from Mr. Smith. A dog howls, and then another, and soon all the neighborhood pets have joined in on the lonely chorus. Bugs chirrup and cars whizz past, but all of this is secondary. Octavius is tuned to Jed's hiccupping breaths, to the rattling of air in his lungs, to his barely-there whispers and his sniffles, to the erratic rise and fall of his ribs, the hot tears against his neck being dried by hot puffs of breath.

 

"It's okay, Jedediah," Octavius says into his blond hair. Octavius hopes dearly that his reassurances aren't lies.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

** OCTOBER **

 

 

\- - -

 

 

 

 

 

\- - -

 

 

There was a lot of weird flirting during the end of September and there's just as much weird flirting in October. Not just between Octavius and Jedediah, either, though there was plenty of that. Most of the flirting came from literally all of their friends. Amelia and Lance are still dancing around each other, Tilly and Laaa got together at the beginning of October, Stone and Dexter are always giving each other heated looks like no one notices, and Jed is pretty sure that Nick and Ahk have made out under the bleachers a few times already. The only people in their huge friend group that aren't together seem to be Octavius and Jedediah, and even then everyone assumes they're boning.

 

Amelia and Lance toss their trays onto the group's humongous table one day, their eyes alight with mischief. "We have an idea," Amelia announces, because these days there's hardly even a distinction between the two of them.

 

Jedediah grimaces. "Oh no."

 

"What? Why 'oh no'? I have great plans!" Amelia says.

 

Jed shakes his head. "No, you really don't. Your last plan ended with us hiding in a dumpster holding a lawn flamingo while two big, buff motorcycle guys did it just outside. My hair was on _fire_ for a while, Ace." Octavius and Lance both stare at him, and he shrugs. "Long story."

 

Amelia waves a dismissive hand. "Okay, so New Year's wasn't great, but this _will_ be great. It's nowhere near as complex as that plan, Jed. We want to have a Halloween party!"

 

"Where?" Jedediah asks immediately. "Because if it's at the same place as last year's Halloween party-"

 

"No, no," Amelia cuts him off quickly, shaking her head. "Completely new location. Police busted that place, anyway. This party will be awesome! It'll be at a friend's house. We'll only invite people we know, meaning the people at this table, mostly. Nothing unwholesome, just friends having a costume party and maybe even trick-or-treating if we're up to it!"

 

Jed squints at her. "No clowns?"

 

Amelia shakes her head. "None."

 

"No hula-hoops?"

 

"Nope."

 

"No bears? Hot air balloons? Confetti cannons?"

 

"Zilch, zip, nada."

 

"How 'bout pink sparkly baseball bats?"

 

"I bought a new, un-bedazzled bat," Amelia says. "Jed, I promise it'll be better than our past parties."

 

Lance raises a hand uncertainly. Jed and Amelia look at him at the same time, identical questioning expressions on their faces. "Um, if it's okay to ask. What happened at those parties? With the, um, the clowns and hula-hoops and such."

 

Jed shakes his head. "Long story," he says again, and that really just leaves more questions than answers.

 

"It'll be fun," Amelia says.

 

Jedediah sighs. "Alright, okay. I'll come to your Hallow-weenie party. Where're you having it?"

 

Amelia grins and gestures to Octavius with a flourish. "Ockie's house!"

 

Octavius quirks his lips apologetically at Jedediah. "She made me promise that if she convinced you to come, we had to have the party at my house. I would've informed you of her plans, but she swore me to secrecy."

 

"Yeah, she's a smart devil, ain't she?" Jedediah says, but he sounds fond, almost proud.

 

"Of course, Jeddy," she says sweetly, then turns to Lance to start planning their 'amazeballs partay,' which Octavius eventually joins in on. Some of the phrases used are 'totally radical disco ball,' 'putrid punch,' and 'awesomesauce mix.'

 

Jedediah feels like he's suddenly hanging around a bunch of tweens and half-expects the glittery Team Edward shirts to pop into existence on his friends' bodies. Unfortunately, it doesn't happen. He thinks Octavius would've totally rocked the sparkles.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

October passes in a haze of tests, practices, football games, and general exhaustion. Octavius is really feeling the strain of school and the various extracurricular activities he's involved in, and it's mostly Jedediah that keeps him sane throughout the month. Jed comes over pretty much every time Ockie's parents aren't home, and sometimes even when they are. They spend almost all their free time together nowadays: going to the mall to find a present for Lance's birthday, getting frozen yogurt after football practices, spending the night with each other on the weekends. They're best friends, but there's always something lurking just below the surface, always an undercurrent of could-have-been-more.

 

Halloween sneaks up on them, really, because one day Amelia is assuring Jedediah about how great it will be and then suddenly it's Saturday morning and Amelia is coming over to help Octavius set up. "It's a small get-together, Mother," Octavius says, his father looking on at Amelia suspiciously. "I promise. There won't be many people, we won't mess the house up. We'll probably be out trick-or-treating most of the night, so you don't even have to worry."

 

His mother looks at him seriously, scanning his face for any signs of a lie. She sighs and nods, seemingly satisfied. "Okay, Tavi, we trust you. We'll be back next Sunday from our spa retreat, so if the house is messed up when we get back, you're in big trouble. You're almost an adult, though, so I'm going to let you have this little party while we're away."

 

"You take care of the house," Octavius's father says, stern-faced and solemn.

 

Octavius nods and hugs each of his parents goodbye, ignoring his father's sigh of exasperation. "See you next Sunday. It'll be fine."

 

His mother blows him kisses as they back out of the driveway, and Octavius smiles back at her until he closes the door. He turns to Amelia, who's leaning against the stairway railing and grinning.

 

"Sweet little Ockie, turning into a rebel," she says teasingly.

 

Octavius rolls his eyes. "Sure, Amelia. Let's finish setting up."

 

It takes a few hours, four rolls of tape, two ventures into the storage shed out back, and three trips to three different stores before Amelia is satisfied with how the house looks. Everywhere you look downstairs is Halloween-themed, from the black-and-orange streamers flung all over the foyer, to the white lace 'spider web' table cloths, to the bowls of candy with dancing skeletons painted on, and the big tray of caramel apples with witch hat-shaped sprinkles. The outside of the house is done up, too, with cardboard-cutout zombies in the front yard and papery ghosts dangling from the trees.

 

"You've really outdone yourself, Amelia," Octavius says, looking around at his almost-unfamiliar house.

 

" _We've_ outdone ourselves. You were just as much a part of this as I was. In fact, I'm surprised we were even able to do all of this with just the two of us. It's pretty impressive," Amelia says. Octavius has to agree with her on that, and together they settle on the couch in the informal living room to admire their handiwork.

 

They relax for a while, recuperating from the intense decorating, and when they check the time their friends are due to start arriving soon. "Think the place is ready?" Amelia asks.

 

Octavius hums from the opposite side of the couch, glancing around again like he hadn't spent almost an hour inspecting every little detail about the house earlier. "I think it's pretty ready. Let's hope our friends don't mess up too much stuff."

 

"They're good kids, they know how to take care of a house," Amelia says.

 

"You sound like a middle-aged mother talking about your children," Octavius says, looking over at her.

 

Amelia nods. "I am a middle-aged mother talking about my children. Did you not know? Jedediah is actually my child. I held him in my womb for nine months and nurtured him as he grew."

 

Octavius nods back at her. "That makes sense. Was he a troublesome child?"

 

"Oh, he was the worst. Always running around naked, screaming when I tried to bathe him, spitting out his vegetables," Amelia says, doing her best to make her expression something wistful yet beleaguered.

 

Octavius nods again. "Yes, I know that feeling exactly. Lancelot was the same way. Absolutely hated wearing clothes for the longest time, would never go to bed on time, you know, the usual little kid things."

 

"Did Lance pee his bed, too?" Amelia asks.

 

Octavius looks off into the middle distance. "He still does," he says, and Amelia starts laughing. Soon Octavius joins in, and the fact that they're both laughing makes them laugh even harder, until they're practically crying at something that wasn't even all that funny.

 

When they finally pull themselves together, feeling looser and happier than they had before, Amelia gives Octavius a curious look, like she's trying to figure something out. "Why aren't you dating Jed?" she asks. "I can see that he makes you so happy, and you make him happy, too. That boy would gather stars for you, but as far as I can tell, you aren't together."

 

Ockie's face goes through a complicated series of expressions, before settling on regretful. "He isn't out to his dad, Amelia. I've dated boys who were closeted to their parents before, and I'm not the kind of person who can do all the sneaking around and pretending. I like to meet the parents, you know? I like to hold hands and drop him off at the door after a date. I want to be able to kiss the boy I'm with or go over to his house without worrying that his parents will walk in and freak out. I've had to climb through windows before, and lie to people about what we were, and I just can't do that again," he says. Octavius runs a hand through his hair, frowning. "It really takes a toll on me, Amelia, and no matter how much I love Jedediah, I have to love myself more."

 

Amelia's eyes widen. "You love him?" she asks.

 

"Yeah," Octavius says, closing his eyes. "I love him, and it's probably too soon to say that, but I do."

 

"Oh, Ockie. You're real jimmy-jacked, aren't you?" Amelia says.

 

Octavius looks back up at her. "Jimmy-jacked? I'm not sure that's a real word."

 

She rolls her eyes. "Oh, hush. I'm trying to be sympathetic, here."

 

Octavius smiles. "I appreciate it. You're a good friend."

 

"Of course I am," she says. "I deal with Jedediah all the time, don't I? Why, I'd say I'm the _best_ friend."

 

"Indeed you are, Miss Earhart. You're so good, in fact, that I think you'll be perfect for Lance."

 

Amelia smiles, looking away. "You do?"

 

Octavius pats her arm. "Yeah, I do. I don't say that lightly, either. I've been told I'm overprotective of him."

 

"Ugh, I know why. Kah, Ahk's older brother, has been a dick lately, since he's going off to college," she says, scowling.

 

Octavius frowns. "What's he been saying? Do I need to-" Before he can finish his thought, the doorbell rings, signaling the arrival of their friends. Octavius stands and heads toward the door, looking back at Amelia. "We'll talk more about this later, okay?"

 

She nods, and Octavius is about to open the door when Jed barges in, grinning like a madman and dressed like a Roman general. "The party's here!" he howls and leads the charge into the house. Octavius sighs as his friends pour in, and when Dex scampers through the doorway, Octavius shuts it. Amelia's got everyone sorted out already, some in the den and some in the living room, and Octavius thanks his lucky stars for her.

 

Someone starts playing music, which someone else figures out how to hook up to Octavius's stereo system, and then their little get together is in full swing. More people from their school arrive at some point, and Amelia assures him that they were invited and aren't just crashing the party. Octavius flits to and fro, keeping people from breaking or touching things they aren't supposed to. It's exhausting work, having a party.

 

At around eight, Octavius sneaks up to his room and puts his costume on, admiring himself in the mirror. He would make a pretty good cowboy, he thinks. He heads back down and nearly slams into Jedediah because he's lurking at the bottom of the stairs.

 

"Jed!" Octavius says.

 

"Ockie!" Jedediah says right back, and then they stare at each other for a few moments.

 

"Um," Octavius finally says, not sure why it's so awkward between them but wanting to bridge the gap. "Are you enjoying the party?"

 

Jed shrugs. "It's not so bad. Would be better if there were less people, I think. Was kinda hopin' it'd just be us," he says, then ducks his head. "I mean, us and our friends. All of us. Hanging out. All these people I don't even know showed up, and if I'm honest it's getting a little stale."

 

Octavius sighs and nods. "I know what you mean. I can't even find our friends amid all these interlopers."

 

"Ooh, interloper. That's a nice word," Jedediah says. They stand around awkwardly again, pretending they aren't waiting for the other to make the first move.

 

"Would you like to," Octavius begins, then pauses. He isn't sure what to do in this situation. "Um. Would you like to go out back? We have a large backyard, and the stars are quite visible this time of night."

 

Jedediah grins. "Playing the outdoorsy cowboy, ain't you?"

 

"Are you suggesting we roleplay?" Octavius asks, heading for the back door. "Kinky."

 

"Damn it, Ockie," Jed says, but Octavius can hear the smile in his voice.

 

They escape into the cool Halloween night air, and start towards the back fence. The stars are out in full force, shining like they know Octavius is trying to show them off.

 

"Wow," Jed says, a smile on his face. He has his hands on his hips, looking up in something like triumph, as if being out here is a victory. Octavius watches him watch the stars as they walk, and his heart twinges in his chest.

 

Once they reach the fence, Jed and Octavius settle on the grass, staring up at the sky. Octavius, having spent many hours doing this exact thing, knows the night like he knows his own bedroom, and he points out the constellations to Jedediah, sometimes even providing the mythos surrounding them.

 

It's nice, away from the party. Quieter, though they can hear the thumping bass from the house, and a whole lot calmer. It's almost romantic, even, like if he wanted to, Octavius could lean over, could press his lips to Jedediah's and hold his hand. He can't, though. He's set up the boundaries, he's made the rules, and now he has to live by them. He's already rejected Jedediah once, and Octavius can't do that to his best friend a second time.

 

"You know lots about the stars," Jedediah says, sounding sleepy and happy. "Your voice is real nice, too. You're nice."

 

"Did someone spike the punch?" Octavius jokes.

 

Jedediah looks at him seriously. "I mean it, boi. You mean a lot to me, you know that? You're just about the nicest person I've ever had the pleasure of knowing, and I really appreciate you and everything you do."

 

Octavius looks back at him. "Jed," he says, and he's not sure why he does. Maybe he just needs to feel it on his tongue, hear it spoken aloud.

 

"Yeah," Jedediah says it like he understands, and maybe he does. Maybe he knows more than even Octavius knows.

 

They go back to staring at the stars, and they stay out there long past the time when the party ends, until their friends come out and join them and Octavius talks about the stars again. The first moments of November are spent shrouded in peace, and laced through is the tale that Octavius weaves of life and death in the sky. Jedediah has never looked back on anything quite so fondly as he does that night.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

** NOVEMBER **

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"Wow, Jed."

 

"Shut up, Ace! It's fuckin' cold."

 

"Ooh, bringing out the big boy words, hm?"

 

"Why am I friends with y'all?"

 

"You're so grumpy when the weather dips below sixty."

 

"This kinda weather should be reserved for Christmas only, alright? But with some snow and stuff. Forty degrees is too cold."

 

"You're such a baby, Jed."

 

" _You're_ a damn baby."

 

"Ah, here come the whiny baby insults."

 

"Ugh. I wish Ockie weren't off on vacation with his folks. He wouldn't treat me with this kinda disrespect."

 

"I think Octavius would just make fun of you even more than I do, Jed."

 

"Ockie? Never."

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"Are you wearing a scarf? Is that a winter coat? Are those _mittens_?"

 

"Ockie, if you say-"

 

"What are THOOOOOOOOSE?"

 

"You meme-loving fuck. I hate all my friends."

 

 

\- - -

 

 

One frosty November day, Jedediah and Ahk end up being the first people at their lunch table.

 

"Ahk! Man, s'been a while since I had a chance to talk with you," Jed says as he sits down.

 

Ahkmenrah appraises him coolly, a tiny smile tugging at his lips. "Hello, Jed. It has been quite a long time, hasn't it?"

 

"What've you been up to, boi? How you been doing? _Who_ you been doing?" Jed waggles his eyebrows at Ahk.

 

"I haven't been doing anyone, Jed," Ahk says, rolling his eyes. He makes an odd face. "Not yet, anyway. I'm working on it."

 

Jedediah leans towards him, grinning. "Workin' on Nicky, you mean. Everybody can feel the UST."

 

"Have you been reading fanfiction again, Jed?" Ahk asks, giving him a scathing look.

 

"Psh. No. As if," Jed says, not looking at Ahk.

 

Ahk sighs. "Was it Drarry again?"

 

Jed opens his mouth like he's going to deny it, then snaps it closed. He nods guiltily. "It's so good."

 

"What's so good?" Amelia asks as he plops down in the seat beside Jedediah.

 

"Jed's gotten into the Drarry fanfic again," Ahk says.

 

Amelia frowns at Jed. "Jedediah! I thought we had agreed that Dramione was the only way to go."

 

Nick stops where's he's approaching the table. "Not this argument again," he says.

 

"You decided that," Jed says with a glare. "I never agreed to that nonsense!"

 

Wea, Teddy, Octavius, and Lance take their places at the table, watching curiously as Jedediah and Amelia bicker back and forth.

 

"What are they talking about?" Lancelot asks.

 

Octavius sighs. "It appears as though they're discussing whether Draco Malfoy belongs with Hermione Granger or Harry Potter."

 

"Oh," Lance says. "Well, I'd never thought about it, but I think Hermione."

 

Amelia whips her head around to look at him. "You're perfect," she says, wonder in her eyes. "Why aren't we dating?"

 

Lance swallows. "Well, um," he says.

 

"Lance. Lancelot. Lancey," Amelia says until he looks back at her. "Would you like to go on a date this Saturday?"

 

"Oh! I, um, yes. I would love to," Lance says, his face splitting into a smile so bright it almost hurts to look at.

 

The two stare at each other fondly, smiling like dopes.

 

Octavius leans over to Jedediah. "I prefer Drarry, myself," he says quietly.

 

Jedediah smiles. "Why aren't we-" he starts, then puts a stop to that before it can end. He looks away, Octavius looks away, and it's all horribly awkward. He knows why, and so does Ockie.

 

The rest of that lunch is spent with Amelia and Lance lost off in their own little dreamland, Nicky and Ahkmenrah making eyes at each other like they plan on running off to the bathroom to do who knows what, and Jed and Octavius studiously avoiding looking each other in the eyes. So, not the worst lunch ever.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

Thanksgiving has always been Jedediah's least favorite holiday. He's forced to gather around with his family and eat a bunch of food and watch football and pretend he's interested in whatever antics his cousins have been getting up to. This year, his parents have given him the choice of not attending their annual Thanksgiving stuff-your-face-with-grandma's-food-palooza. Of course he jumps at the opportunity to avoid a day of driving and eating and gossiping.

 

"Hello?" Octavius says, confused as to why Jedediah would call him on Thanksgiving. He knew Jed's family usually tended to all group up and celebrate the day together.

 

"Ockie!" Jed greets. "My folks let me hang at home instead of going out to Grandma's house. You wanna come over or maybe drive around or something?"

 

Octavius agrees to hang out with Jed. His family never does anything for Thanksgiving, since they work all the time and both his parents are only children with no actual family to eat with, anyway.

 

Jedediah swings by to pick him up at around noon, and they head to that same beach they'd visited back in September, since the weather is oddly pleasant for November. It's only been two months, but Octavius feels like a lifetime has passed between then and now. Jed pulls out the same blanket from last time, and they find a spot to lay it roughly in the same place as they did before.

 

Because Jedediah inexplicably hates the home-cooked-meal Thanksgiving tradition, despite loving to cook, he's got a bag of burgers for them to eat as they watch the waves and talk.

 

"Whatcha doing on your phone?"

 

"Nothing."

 

"Was that Tumblr I saw, Ockie?"

 

"No!"

 

"How did you even manage to check your Tumblr out here? We're on a beach, there can't possibly be wifi out here."

 

"I wasn't on Tumblr."

 

"Then what was that? Twitter? Instagram? Ockie, buddy, do you have an Instagram you didn't tell me about?"

 

"Okay, yes, it was Instagram. I was, um, taking a picture of the beach. For Instagram."

 

"What's your name on Instagram? I wanna follow you."

 

"It's, um...octodaddy."

 

"What was it? I couldn't really hear you, boi."

 

"Octodaddy. It's octodaddy."

 

"Octodaddy. That's, um. That's a name."

 

"Don't laugh."

 

"I'm not laughing."

 

"You're laughing, Jed. I can hear you and see you."

 

"It's funny! You're octodaddy! It's absolutely perfect for you."

 

"Well, I bet yours is no better. What's _your_ username?"

 

"I'm jedibiah."

 

"Jedi-biah? You don't even have 'Jedi' in your name. I can't believe you."

 

"Well you'd better hop to it, boi, 'cause ol' jedibiah's gonna follow your ass."

 

"Back to chasing tail, I see."

 

"I actually gotta give you props for that one. That was a pretty slick pun."

 

"Thank you."

 

"There's tons of puns on your Instagram, ain't there?"

 

"Only the highest quality puns and memes."

 

"I _really_ wish I weren't friends with you sometimes."

 

"You love me."

 

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

 

 

\- - -

 

 

 

"Why didn't you use the picture you took while we were actually _on_ the beach instead of one you took in the car?"

 

"I didn't take a picture on the beach. I was on Tumblr."

 

"Oh, Octavius Gay Ass. What am I gonna do with you?"

 

"Are you ever going to let that go?"

 

"I will never let your gay ass go, Ockie."

 

"That's, in a weird way, kind of comforting."

 

"I do my best."

 

 

\- - -

 

 

They stay at the beach much longer than anticipated, so it's already nearing dark by the time Jedediah's car rolls to a stop in front of Octavius's house. Wordlessly, Jed walks Octavius up to his front door, and then they stand facing each other, awkward and shifty.

 

"Goodbye kiss?" Jed says, grinning crookedly.

 

Octavius rolls his eyes. "Okay, Jed." It comes as a surprise to Jedediah that the kiss does indeed come, though it's on his cheek instead of his lips. "Thank you for taking me to the beach today. You're a good friend."

 

 _A good friend_. Of course. Jedediah got so swept up in having a good time with his best boi that he'd forgotten how impossible they were for the moment. "Yeah. You're welcome, Ockie," Jed says, stepping back. He's on the bottom step leading down from the porch when he turns around to Octavius again. "You take care of yourself, now. Don't go causing any trouble, don't throw no wild parties. Invite me along if you do, though. If not, well, I'll see you Monday."

 

Octavius smiles at him, soft and sweet and everything Jedediah wants. "Until Monday," he says. Jed nods and goes back to walking the impossible distance from the house to his car.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

** DECEMBER **

 

 

\- - -

 

 

 

 

\- - -

 

 

The Gladiators beat the Knights for the championship, but it's a close one. The Gladiators, their fans, and even Jedediah, are filled with pride for their team. Octavius scoops Jedediah up as he rushes onto the field, grinning with abandon, so joyful and much freer than any time Jed's seen him.

 

"We've done it, Jedediah!" Octavius says, still holding onto him.

 

Jed's honestly really surprised that Octavius can lift him. He always seems to forget how strong Ockie is, but in times like this, he can't help but be reminded. "You won!" Jedediah agrees.

 

"No, no. _We_ won. All of us," Octavius says, finally setting Jed back on his own two feet. "I played my hardest out there, knowing you were in the stands cheering me on. This is a win for _us_!"

 

Jedediah blinks at Octavius, shocked. "You what?"

 

Octavius blinks back at him, confused. "I what?"

 

"You said you played your hardest 'cause you knew I was here."

 

"Did I?" Octavius says, rubbing the back of his neck. "Well, I-" he's saved from having to finish that thought by a wave of his teammates, hoisting him up and yelling his name as they parade to the locker room. Octavius makes an apologetic face back at Jedediah, but then he's gone.

 

"You are completely gone on him," Amelia says from behind Jed.

 

He jumps, startled, and looks back at her. "What? Ockie? Naw, we're just friends."

 

Amelia looks unimpressed. "Mhm. Doesn't mean you don't want to be more than _just friends_."

 

Jed glares at her. "You don't know everything, alright? There ain't anything I can do."

 

"He's over the moon for you!" Amelia says. "He's gone all love-goop on you, Jed. The boy's besotted-"

 

"Don't," Jedediah cuts in, face twisted into a scowl. "I know what you're trying to do, but you ain't got all the pieces to this puzzle, Ace. Ockie don't want me."

 

"Jed-"

 

"Just stop, Amelia," Jedediah says, and the use of her name lets her know he really is serious about this. He sounds weary, like it's something he's resigned himself to, when he says, "Octavius can be my friend, but he can't be anything more. Much as I'd like for him to be my, well, everything, I can't always get what I want. C'est la vie, and all that. I'm okay with being his friend. I am. Stop meddling, Ace. Just this once."

 

Amelia frowns at him, but nods. "I'll stop. I'm sorry, Jed. For this whole mess."

 

He shakes his head. "It ain't your fault I screw up every relationship I have."

 

"Jedediah, that's not true and you know it," Amelia says.

 

"Whatever," Jed says. "Lance is waiting for you."

 

Amelia glances over to where Lance is watching, then back at Jedediah. "Do you need me to stay? Do you feel-"

 

"No, Ace. I don't feel...like that," he says quickly, looking away.

 

Amelia sighs and lays her hand over his forearm, squeezing gently so he gets the message. He nods, and she goes off to join Lancelot, leaving Jed with his head bowed and an ache in his chest that won't subside.

 

Octavius is grinning as he approaches Jedediah, and so Jedediah grins back, wishing he hadn't invited him to go get ice cream after all. "Are you ready?" Octavius asks.

 

Jed nods. "Yeah, let's giddyup."

 

"Wow, that was awful," Octavius says.

 

"Hush up," Jed says, rolling his eyes and starting to walk, letting Octavius catch up. He still doesn't feel great, but he'll be okay. He always ends up okay.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

Jedediah lets Octavius dominate the conversation when they're at the ice cream parlor, satisfied just to sit and listen to Octavius gush about the football team's great season, of how proud he is, of how happy everyone on the team was in the locker room. Jed loves Octavius's face when he's excited, loves his huge smiles and his snorting laughs. It's an exquisite kind of pain, being in love with Octavius. Something he'd write about in his book, if it had a romantic subplot.

 

"Jedediah?" Octavius says, bringing Jed out of his thoughts.

 

"Hm?"

 

"Where are you?" Octavius asks, and his eyebrows are pulled down over his eyes, concerned enough for Jedediah to hate the expression.

 

"I'm right here, boi," Jed says easily, slipping into a smile and his Southern drawl.

 

Octavius frowns at him. "No, you're off in your own world. Is something troubling you?"

 

Jedediah shakes his head. "Nothing much. Just thinking, you know?"

 

"Penny for your thoughts?"

 

Jed squints at him a moment."My thoughts are worth at least a dollar," he says instead of answering.

 

Octavius sighs. "Alright, don't tell me."

 

"Sorry," Jedediah says, and they eat their ice cream in silence.

 

They pile into Jed's car and he drives Octavius home to his empty, dark house. Jedediah walks Octavius to his door again, wanting to extend their time together, but also not relishing the idea of Octavius spending this special night cooped up in his room.

 

"Thank you for the ice cream and for driving me home," Octavius says, his breath curling out in a testament to how cold it is.

 

Jedediah shrugs. "What are best friends for?"

 

"Best friends?" Octavius repeats.

 

"Oh," Jed says. "I, um, yeah. You're one of my best pals. You know that."

 

Octavius makes a face like he's smelled something bad, and Jed knows that face as his 'I-have-something-I-want-to-say-but-I-don't-know-if-I'm-going-to-say-it' face. "I," he starts, then his scowl deepens, mostly to himself. "No, I didn't. I didn't know that. You never talk to me about this kind of thing."

 

"Oh," Jed says again. He thought he'd said something along those lines before. "Have I really never-?"

 

"No, you haven't," Octavius says, half-accusatory, half-saddened. "I consider you one of my best friends, too, I'm not saying I don't. You just- _We_ have bad communication skills, apparently."

 

Jedediah nods down at his boots. "Yeah, alright."

 

"This is part of it!" Octavius says, and Jed looks back up at him, confused. "I can tell that something has been bothering you all night, but when I tried to ask about it you didn't tell me. Why can't you just tell me what's wrong? Aren't we best friends?"

 

Jed glances back at his feet, then forces himself to look up, at Octavius's face. "We are. That's the whole issue, Ockie. You're one of the best friends I've ever had, and I don't wanna do anything to mess it up."

 

"What's so bad that it could mess our friendship up?" Octavius asks. "If you were really my best friend-"

 

"Don't you pull that shit on me, Octavius," Jedediah stops him, suddenly furious. "You're trying to manipulate me, trying to make me feel bad. Don't you twist my words around like that, I hate it when you do this."

 

"You never tell me what's wrong with you! I'm concerned about you, Jedediah! Some days you're just so distant, and I'm allowed to worry about you, aren't I?" Octavius says.

 

"Stop it!" Jed yells. "Stop fucking doing this! Yes, you're allowed to worry about me, but you ain't allowed to stand here and tell me I'm the only one who's got his mouth closed up tighter than a clam! You're just as bad as I am, Ockie. You don't tell me jack squat, you're as emotionally constipated as I am, and on top of all that you're so selfish!"

 

Octavius scoffs. " _I'm_ selfish, am I?"

 

"Yeah, you are! You're selfish, and you're cruel, and unfair, and arrogant and prideful and stubborn as a damn mule, and I love you, you bastard. I'm in love with you, and it fucking sucks, because you don't love me back and-" Jedediah stops, takes a heaving breath, lowers his voice when he speaks next. "Why can't you just love me back?" He sits down on the first step of the porch, shaking and feeling vile in the face of Octavius's enduring silence.

 

"Jedediah..." Octavius says, and nothing else. After a moment, he sits next to Jed on the step. They don't look at each other.

 

"What do I gotta do, Ockie? How do I earn your love?" Jed says, whisper-soft and hitching. He hates crying, but can feel the fat tears rolling down his cheeks. He wipes them away roughly, relishing the burn of his woolen gloves against his face.

 

Octavius is silent for a long time, and with each passing moment Jedediah feels more and more like he might throw up. Finally, he says, "You don't have to earn love. You should never have to do that. Jed, I love you. I do. I love you very, very much. I love you in every way possible, and I want to continue to love you for as long as humanly possible." Octavius bites his lip, shakes his head. "I have to love me, too. Do you know why I don't date closeted boys?"

 

Jedediah doesn't answer, but that's answer enough for Octavius.

 

"When I was sixteen, I was dating a boy who couldn't come out to his parents. He was sweet and kind and so worried about being caught, and I always assured him it was fine. I was naive back then, couldn't understand that some parents weren't as accepting as mine are. One day, we were at his house, messing around, and his father come home unexpectedly. We didn't hear him come in, but we definitely noticed when he burst into the room and started yelling. He blamed me for corrupting his son, started breaking things, hit both of us a few times, couldn't be calmed down no matter what we did. He chased us out of the house, said he never wanted to see either of us again." Octavius pauses here, staring straight ahead but not seeing anything, like he's lost in the memory.

 

"The boy. Um. His name was-" Octavius blinks hard, shaking himself. "Lucian. His name was Lucian, and he blamed me, too. As did I. I told him he should talk to his dad, try to sort things out, but he was inconsolable, was convinced he'd never be accepted by his father again. I offered to let him stay with me until things blew over, but he refused, called me all sorts of names, and ran. I let him go, thinking he just needed time to himself, then we'd fix things, that-that we _could_ fix things. I believed in the goodness and acceptance of other people, because my family was always supportive." Octavius stops again, looks down at his trembling hands. "I never saw him again. He, um, he jumped off a bridge, and when I heard about it, I promised myself I'd never ruin anyone else's life like that. I never want to put anyone else in danger like that."

 

Jedediah stares at him, his heart going out to Octavius. "That wasn't your fault, boi," he says.

 

Octavius shakes his head vehemently. "It was. It's my fault he's dead. If it hadn't been for me, Lucian might still be here."

 

"Ockie-"

 

"It almost killed me, too," Octavius says. "I was ready to end it. The guilt was eating away at me, still eats at me, but Lance saved me. I owe him my life, just like I owe you your life." He looks over at Jedediah, immeasurably sad. "I won't hurt you, too."

 

Jed makes a split second decision, shucking his coat, and rolling up his sleeve despite the fact that it's below freezing.

 

"What are you-" Octavius starts.

 

Jedediah shoves his sleeve the rest of his way to his elbow and brandishes his forearm to Octavius, showing him the scars that he knows won't fade. Octavius's eyes dance between Jed's arm and his face, his mouth working but no noise escaping. "I've had my share of hurt, Ockie," Jed says, voice rough. Only Amelia knows about this, and he feels stripped bare showing Octavius. "I blamed myself for my sister for the longest time, y'know. Told myself if I'd been a little faster, I could've saved her. I told myself that if I'd been a better son, my mom wouldn't have needed the pills. If I'd been better, my dad wouldn't've started drinking." Jedediah stares hard at Octavius, putting his hand on Ockie's bicep. "We're all fucked up in some way, Octavius. We've all got regrets, shouldn't-haves, should-haves. You can't blame yourself for other peoples' actions, you can't let yourself dwell on things that'll only hurt you, in the end. You gotta let yourself move on, boi."

 

"I don't think I'm strong enough, Jedediah," Octavius says.

 

Jed smiles. "'You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think,'" he quotes.

 

Octavius's face smoothes out, and he quirks a tiny smile back at Jed. "'But the most important thing is, even if we're apart, I'll always be with you,'" he finishes out the quote, and they take a moment appreciate the wisdom of A. A. Milne.

 

"Do you think we can ever be together?" Jedediah says.

 

"Perhaps someday," Octavius says, "but we'll have to fight for it. Your whole life would be a battle."

 

Jed pushes his sleeve back down and puts his coat on. "Yeah, maybe. I think it'd be worth it, though, if I had the right person fighting next to me."

 

Octavius stares up at him, something peculiar in his eyes. "Are you sure that person is me?"

 

"Oh, Ockie," Jedediah says. "Wars ain't won with a single soldier, but I'd fight for you forever. You just gotta decide if you'd be willing to do the same for me." Jed puts his gloved hand on Octavius's shoulder, giving a light squeeze, before descending the porch steps and returning to his car.

 

Octavius watches Jed go, but doesn't allow himself to linger. His house feels inexplicably warmer that night.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

 

** JANUARY **

 

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"It's Jed's birthday and you're going to help me throw him a party," Amelia says. Octavius blinks at her, still sleepy and in his pajamas.

 

"He didn't tell me his birthday," Octavius says. "When did you get here?"

 

Amelia rolls her eyes and pushes past him. She looks around the foyer and hums. "It doesn't have to be a huge party. He doesn't like huge productions made of holidays. I was thinking we'd invite over our closest friends, meaning Lance, Nicky, Ahk, Wea, Teddy, and Tilly, and we'd just hang out. Shoot the breeze, maybe give him a couple presents? We could watch shitty movies. Do you have Netflix? Of course you do. We'll watch the Sharknado movies."

 

Octavius belatedly shuts the door, trailing after Amelia as she walks around his house like she owns the place. Octavius does admit that she looks more at home here than he probably ever has.

 

"We could make him a cake. He loves cake. Oh, we could make a bisexual cake, he'd love that," Amelia turns to Octavius, grinning. "Get dressed, we need to go to a few stores."

 

And that's how Octavius gets roped into throwing Jedediah a birthday party.

 

"Wait, so how old is he?" Octavius asks as they're looking at cake mix.

 

"He's turning eighteen. How old did you think he was?" Amelia examines a box of white cake mix and purses her lips thoughtfully. "White cake and we can use food coloring on it?"

 

"I'm not sure, he can act like he's either eighty or eight and there's no in between. I think the food coloring thing will be fine. We could look up tutorials if we need to," Octavius says.

 

Amelia nods, tossing the cake mix into the basket and heading toward the food coloring. "Well, he isn't eighty or eight. He's eighteen. Ah, here are the colors we need," she says, grabbing the boxes and turning to face Octavius. "Do you have a present for him?"

 

Octavius frowns. "No? I only just learned of his birthday."

 

Amelia rolls her eyes and starts toward the other side of the store. "Alright then, we'll have to find something for you to buy him."

 

Octavius sighs and follows her, wondering what in the world he could possibly get for Jedediah.

 

"Piñata?" Amelia asks.

 

"For a present?"

 

"No, silly. Should we have a piñata at his party? I've got my eyes on that one up there," she says, pointing out a pink and purple papier-mâché monstrosity.

 

Octavius squints at it. "I can't even tell what that's supposed to be."

 

Amelia tilts her head. "If you look at it this way, it looks like a-"

 

"Oh," Octavius says. "And if you look at it _that_ way it's a-"

 

"Indeed," Amelia say. They look at each other, communicating through a complicated series of expressions and eyebrow wiggles. Octavius grabs the piñata and they go on their merry way.

 

Octavius scowls at the toys section. "Where's the Black Widow action figure?" he asks.

 

Amelia shrugs. "Unfortunately, there isn't one. Marvel doesn't make action figures or movies or anything, really, about the females in the MCU. There's only about six girls in the entire cinematic universe, anyway."

 

"That doesn't seem fair," Octavius says.

 

"Welcome to the real world, buddy. It's not fair," Amelia says. They move on.

 

Octavius finds the perfect present on a clearance rack, holding it aloft like a trophy. "Amelia!" he says.

 

She turns and spots it, her eyes going wide. "Perfect," she says, and they go to check out.

 

The cake is easier to make than they expect, so they end up with a lot of time on their hands before they'd told everyone to show up. They play Mario Kart for a while, until Octavius is in last place and swearing a blue streak and Amelia can barely hold the Wiimote, she's laughing so hard.

 

Octavius is grumbling about his humiliating loss as they're pulling the pans out of the oven, and he doesn't let up all through the decoration of the cake, the hanging of the piñata, and the wrapping of his gift. He finally stops complaining about how bad he is at Mario Kart when Lance shows up, and even then Amelia mentions it to him and Lance laughs because he, too, has experienced Octavius sucking at Mario Kart.

 

The rest of their friends begin to trickle in, and finally Octavius calls Jedediah.

 

"Howdy, Ockie."

 

"Hello, Jedediah."

 

"What're you calling for?"

 

"Just wanted to know if you want to come over. My parents are out of town again and-"

 

"Say no more. I'll be there in ten."

 

Octavius grins into his phone. "Okay. See you soon."

 

"Back atcha, boi."

 

Octavius hangs up and turns to Amelia. "That was surprisingly simple," he says.

 

She smiles. "That boy could never say no to you."

 

Something about that unsettles Octavius, but he isn't sure what, so he doesn't say anything. He nods, and goes to wait by the door for Jedediah.

 

Jedediah is over even faster than he said he'd be, and Octavius goes out to greet him, smiling and tugging at his arm to lead him inside.

 

"It's my birthday, you know," Jedediah says on the walk to the front door.

 

Octavius tries to contain his smile, hoping dearly that he succeeds in doing so. "You hadn't told me," he says. "I could throw you a party.

 

Jed huffs. "You ain't gotta do that for me, boi. Just the pleasure of your company's enough for ol' Jedediah."

 

Octavius does smile, then, and opens up the front door.

 

" _Surprise_!" their assembled friends yell in sync, causing Jedediah to, as he himself would put it, 'jump a foot in the air.'

 

He looks around at them with owlish eyes, then turns to Octavius. "You went and pulled the wool over my eyes, Ockie! You told me you didn't know my birthday!"

 

Octavius grins sheepishly. "Technically, I just said you hadn't told me. I didn't say I didn't know."

 

Jed scoffs and rolls his eyes, punching Octavius's shoulder in a good-mannered way. "All about the technicalities. Whatever. A party's a party, I say. Let's have some fun, whaddya say?"

 

Amelia took that as her cue to showboat him around as the man of the hour, sweeping him away and leaving Octavius smiling after them. While Amelia and Jedediah make the rounds, Octavius heads over to greet Wea and Teddy. The two of them are holding hands while Teddy blushes furiously and Wea looks extremely proud of herself.

 

"Hello, Octavius," Wea greets as he approaches.

 

He nods to her. "Hello, Wea. I hope all is well?"

 

Wea smiles, glancing over at Teddy briefly. "All is well," she agrees, and it warms Octavius's heart to see how Teddy's blush deepens even at that.

 

"That's good. I guess I'll leave you to it, then," Octavius says, clapping Teddy on the shoulder and backing away. Teddy nods at him, and Octavius, at a loss for what else to do, goes into the kitchen to poke around at the cake some more.

 

The cake turned out really well, if Octavius says so himself. They'd gone with vanilla frosting, then had written "Happy Bi-day Jed!" in pink, blue, and purple. So maybe it was a little much to have references to his bisexuality both on the cake and in the cake, but hey, he named himself jedibiah on Instagram, so they figure it's going to be appreciated. Octavius drums his fingers on the countertop, feeling worried, for some reason, about the party. He wonders if maybe the piñata was too much, or maybe the cake will be the tipping point. Maybe he should call the whole thing off. What if his present is seen as too childish? Will Jed like it?

 

Octavius makes himself stop, take a breath, and calm down. It's going to be fine. It'll be completely fine. He's overreacting. It's just enough to get him breathing normally again, and he pries his hands off of where they'd been curled tightly around the granite countertop. He's fine, and if the gift is too silly the card should make up for it in seriousness.

 

"Tavi!" Lancelot says.

 

Octavius turns to the door, smiling at his friend like he hadn't just been freaking out. "Lance! How are you?"

 

"I'm doing well. This is a nice little party you're throwing Jed," he says, and his tone of voice instantly has Octavius supicious.

 

"Yes, I suppose," Octavius says.

 

Lancelot smiles placidly, edging toward Octavius. "You know, you didn't throw _me_ a party."

 

Octavius squints at him. "You threw yourself a party and told me that if I didn't come you would run me through with your foil."

 

Lacelot waves a hand dismissively. "Details. What I'm getting at is," he wiggles his eyebrows, "what's going on between you and Jedediah?"

 

Octavius shakes his head. "Nothing is."

 

"Oh, don't give me that," Lance says, pouting. "You make him cake, throw him parties, hang out with him _all the time_. You two are always making moon eyes at each other, smiling like dopes, and just being disgustingly cute in general. All of that, and you're telling me there's nothing going on?"

 

"Yes, I am," Octavius says, shrugging. "We both have things to work through before we ever have a chance of being together. Right now, there's nothing going on between us. That may change."

 

Lancelot sighs. "You aren't even out of high school yet, Tavi! You need to live a little, while you have the chance. I know you still blame yourself for...what happened, but you have to move on at some point. I'm worried for you, as your friend."

 

Octavius glares at him. "I know you mean well, Lance, but stop trying to butt into my life. It's not even been two years since Lucian, the wounds are still fresh."

 

" Why don't you just have some fun with Jed? It doesn't have to mean anything. You could be friends with benefits," Lancelot says.

 

"You're wrong," Octavius says, brushing past Lance on his way out of the kitchen.

 

"Tavi-"

 

Octavius holds up a hand, pausing in the doorway. "When you love someone like I love Jedediah," he says, looking up at Lance, "it can never not mean anything. It always means everything with him."

 

Lancelot stares at him for a moment before sighing and gesturing for Octavius to go, following close behind as they leave. "I just want you to be happy," he says quietly.

 

Octavius pretends he doesn't hear him and keeps walking.

 

Jed approaches Octavius around ten minutes later, beaming at him like he's something special. "Hey, Ockie."

 

"Hi," Octavius says, and takes the hand that Jedediah extends to him.

 

Jedediah sets his other hand on top of Octavius's, looking at him seriously. "You didn't have to do this for me," he says.

 

Octavius rolls his eyes. "It's your birthday, Jed. You deserve a little party. We even made cake."

 

"I do love me some cake," Jed says. "Are we gonna eat it soon? If not, I have some things I wanna tell you beforehand. It can wait if need be, though."

 

"It sounds serious," Octavius says, only slightly worried.

 

Jedediah shrugs. "I guess it is. You got some time to spare?"

 

"For you? Of course," Octavius smiles and tugs at his hand, leading Jed out to the back porch. "What do you need to tell me?"

 

Jed takes a breath, squeezing Octavius's hand. "My parents are getting a divorce."

 

Octavius blinks. That isn't what he was expecting to hear. He'd always thought that his parents would be the ones to divorce each other. "Did they just tell you today?"

 

"Yeah, they decided a while ago, I guess, that they'd split up when I turned eighteen. I'm turning eighteen today, so they let me know," Jedediah says.

 

"You don't seem too torn up about it," Octavius says.

 

Jed scoffs. "I'm not the biggest fan of my dad, Ockie. You met him, you kinda know what he's like. I'm surprised it took them this long, honestly."

 

Octavius frowns. "You aren't even a little upset?"

 

"I'm allowed to not be totally enamored with my dad. Truth be told, I don't think he's that great of a person, but I've put up with his bull since I've been living under his roof. Ma deserves somebody who's gonna treat her right, and he just ain't gonna. I know for a fact that his britches are in a twist since she's filing the papers, but if he tries anything I'll whoop up on him before he can do anything out of line," Jedediah says, and the dark, determined look on his face lets Octavius know just how serious he is. Jed shakes his head, shrugging. "Besides, it won't affect me much longer. I'm going to college soon, got some nice scholarships. Ma's got a job lined up at some big business. We're finally gonna be free of my dad."

 

Octavius pats Jed's shoulder with his free hand. "I'm happy for you," he says, and he means it.

 

Jedediah nods, a grin creeping up on his face. "I'm gonna tell my dad that I'm bi when all the paperwork goes through. If it doesn't get settled before I'm out of school, I'm gonna move in with Ma, and I hope I never have to see him again after I tell him."

 

"You're his son," Octavius says, frowning again.

 

"Ain't no son of his," Jed says venomously, "I'm a grown-ass man, and if I don't wanna see the man who made my mother feel like shit, then I don't think I should have to. I know you've got a good relationship with your dad, that y'all hug goodbye and don't have screaming matches across the house, but my dad just ain't like that. He's not a good guy, Ockie, and even if I'm his son biologically, I think he stopped having any right to anything to do with me a long time ago."

 

Octavius nods, "Okay. I can't understand where you're coming from, but I'll respect that that's your opinion and this isn't a matter I can contest your claims on."

 

Jedediah releases Octavius and steps back. "You got it down pat, boi. Stay in your lane."

 

Octavius blinks at him. "What does that mean?"

 

"I never thought the day would come where Mister Gay-Ass didn't understand something I said," Jed says. "I guess I shoulda anticipated that it'd happen, but I'd held out hope tha-"

 

"Are you boys quite done out here?" Amelia asks, poking her head through the sliding glass door. "The guests are ready for cake and presents."

 

Jed smiles at her and nudges Octavius. "Yeah, we're done. Just shooting the breeze, chewing the fat, flapping our-"

 

"Alright, I get it. You were talking. It's time to come in," Amelia says, rolling her eyes and going back inside, leaving the door open for them. They follow her in shortly, after Jedediah pokes fun about her acting like their mother and Octavius shoves him toward the door with a sigh.

 

The cake is a hit with Jed, as they'd expected it would be, and he insists on getting the piece with the word 'Bi' on it because he's actually a child. When the blue, purple, and pink cake is demolished thanks to the fact that it's a group of teenagers being fed by it, they move onto gifts. Teddy and Wea get Jed two red scarves in different patterns, Nicky gets him a miniature flashlight covered in little cowboy boots, Ahk's gift is a box full of cans of boot polish, and Amelia and Lance give him a stack of bargain bin movies that look really awful, for some odd reason.

 

Octavius hands his gift over with trepidation, hoping the humor of the gift will appeal to Jedediah. Jed reaches into the bag and pulls out the card. He grins at the puppies on the outside, but when he opens the card and the piece of paper falls out, his amusement turns to puzzlement.

 

 

_Jed,_

_Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you._

_Amelia says you aren't particularly fond of your birthday being turned into a big deal, but I think your birthday should be the BIGGEST deal._

_I will respect your wishes, and keep the big deal aspect of today to myself and you, contained in this note._

_I don't say it often, but I do love you. You are one of, if not the, closest friend I have, and every day I am reminded of how lucky I am to have you._

_I wish you another year of happiness and good health, and I hope I'm still around this time next year. If I have a say in the matter, I'd like to stick around forever._

_Here's to a good year._

_All my love,_

_Octavius "Gay-Ass"_

 

 

Jedediah grins up at Octavius, standing and giving him a quick hug as thanks, and then slides the card and the note back into the envelope. He sticks his hand back in the bag and pulls the present out, laughing delightedly when he sees [what](http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn77/happylilfool/cowboy-boot-sideburns.jpg) it is.

 

Octavius smiles, engrossed in watching Jedediah's excitement over something so silly as cowboy boot sideburns. A sharp elbow digs into his side, and he frowns over at the perpetrator. Amelia winks at him, apparently having noticed his staring, and Octavius rolls his eyes back to Jed.

 

Lance hands Jed a baseball bat a few minutes after that last gift, and Amelia slings the piñata over the top railing of the stairs. Jedediah's eyes get huge, and he doesn't even wait for the blindfold before he starts waling on the poor pink-and-purple piñata. The contents of it go flying everywhere, and Octavius buries his face in his hands when he realizes what Amelia had stuffed it with.

 

"Enjoy your flavored condoms and lollipops, everyone!" she hollers, cackling. "Don't confuse one for the other, and remember not to use both for sucking only!" Everyone has a good laugh about it, everyone partaking of them like they're party favors, and Octavius just hopes he'll manage to clear them all out and hide them before his parents eventually get home.

 

The party mostly disperses after that, their friends making their way out of Octavius's house over the course of the next hour, but even after Lance and Amelia bail with sly looks aimed at Ockie and the condoms, Jed stays. They gravitate over to the couch in the den, where Jedediah piles his gifts around him like a dragon's hoard.

 

"Where the hell'd you even find these?" Jed asks, still chuckling over the novelty of Octavius's gift.

 

Octavius shrugs. "I just found them in the store Amelia and I went to today. I can't believe you didn't tell me it was your birthday!"

 

Jedediah scrunches up his crooked nose at Octavius. "I don't know _your_ birthday, either."

 

"June twelfth," Octavius says.

 

"And now I know! Thank you, Ockie," Jedediah says, shaking his head. They sit in silence for a little while as Jed looks over his presents again. "Hey, whaddya think of me getting some really cool shoes? Like, light-ups, or something. Maybe go-go boots?"

 

Octavius squints at Jed, who hasn't looked up from his gifts. "I think you're ridiculous," Octavius says.

 

Jed spares a moment to pout at him, then spends the rest of the time until Octavius takes him home polishing his boots.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

Jedediah stumbles back into school with his hat askew, his scarf wrapped around the bottom half of his face, and his boots on the wrong feet. His friends all watch him trip/swagger up to them in varying degrees of amusement.

 

"Ah, I see you've been awake since Friday again," Ahk says mildly as Jed approaches.

 

"Alright, but see, I'm having an experience. Mister Ahkmenrah, there is a god, and his name is Red Bull," Jedediah says, tossing himself onto the bench and staring unblinkingly at Ahk.

 

Ahk nods. "If you believe that Red Bull created the universe, I won't judge you on that."

 

"Wait, you didn't let me finish," Jed says. "Red Bull is god, and so god makes angels. So you could say-"

 

"Don't do this," Amelia says.

 

"You could say Red Bull gives you wings," Jedediah finishes, looking extremely smug for someone who's probably been awake for far too long.

 

Everyone groans, even Octavius. Jed laughs until he starts crying and falls off the bench and Amelia has to take him to the nurse.

 

Octavius watches them go. "That can't be healthy," he says.

 

"It isn't," Ahk agrees. "He'll go pass out in the nurse's office, she'll call his mother, who'll come get him and take him home, and he'll act like it never happened tomorrow."

 

Octavius frowns over at Ahk. "Is this something that happens often?"

 

Ahk shrugs. "Usually after long breaks from school. It's been far less frequent this year. You must be a good influence on him."

 

"That's...reassuring?"

 

"It was meant to be," Ahk says.

 

The first bell rings, but neither of them move. The rest of their friends disperse, but since Ahk and Octavius share first period with Amelia, they decide to wait up for her. They don't get to wait long, since Vice Principal Daley appears from the shadows after less than a minute.

 

"Get to class!" he says, shining his flashlight menacingly at them. He seems to notice who he's looking at, though, because he changes gears suddenly, holstering his light and grinning at them. "Oh! Hey, Ahkmenrah. You waiting on Amelia? I think she just left the nurse. You two have a good day!"

 

He strides away after that, disappearing around a corner and leaving Octavius extremely confused. He looks to Ahk for an answer.

 

Ahk shrugs. "Perks of dating the vice principal's son, I suppose. And the principal's stepson-to-be, perhaps. Did you know that Mr. McPhee is with Mr. Daley? It's a big scandal in the school board."

 

"That," Octavius says, "is not something I was ever expecting to hear."

 

Ahk smiles. "It _is_ quite a nice bonus that dating Nicky gives me the details on everything happening with our dear principals."

 

"Ahk?" Octavius says.

 

"Some of the details are not things that should be repeated," Ahk says, raising his eyebrows meaningfully.

 

Amelia shows up before Ahk can decide to repeat those details anyway, and Octavius has never been happier to see her.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

** FEBRUARY **

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"Did you know that President Andrew Jackson had a pet parrot?"

 

"Jedediah, we're supposed to be working on our history project."

 

"That parrot had to leave President Jackson's funeral. Wanna know why?"

 

"If I say yes, will you focus your attention on Ancient Rome?"

 

"Sure."

 

"Tell me why, then."

 

"Because the parrot wouldn't stop cursing."

 

"Fascinating. Now help me research."

 

"Don't you already know just about everything there is to know about Rome?"

 

"Extra research never hurt anyone."

 

"It hurts my brain, Ockie."

 

"I didn't know I'd signed on to do this project with an infant."

 

"Ockieeeeee..."

 

"How are you third in our class?"

 

"My devastating good looks and miles of charm?"

 

"I don't think charm is measured in miles."

 

"I don't think your face is measured in miles."

 

"Infant."

 

"Why do you hate fun?"

 

 

\- - -

 

 

 

"You built a _catapult_?"

 

"I built a _trebuchet_. It's a type of catapult, sure, but there's a difference."

 

"Our project is due tomorrow, Jedediah!"

 

"Due tomorrow, do tomorrow."

 

"I am going to punch you in the face."

 

"You ain't gonna- _Ow_! That was my shoulder, not my face."

 

"Next time it will be your face, Jedediah. Come on, we have work to do. How did you even make that without me noticing?"

 

"I have skillz, Ockie."

 

"You did not just says skills with a z. Tell me you didn't."

 

"..."

 

"I cannot believe you. Get to work."

 

"Ugh."

 

 

\- - -

 

 

Despite the trebuchet hiccup, they get an A on their project, and then spend Valentine's Day in Jed's backyard launching catnip toys for his cat ("I didn't know you had a cat." "There's lots you don't know about me." "Don't wink at me like that when we're talking about your cat." "..." "Stop that. Why did you name it Richard Wagner?" "'Cause Dad hates Richard Wagner." "Why does he hate Richard Wagner?" "It's a long story involving a spelling bee and the word 'gazelle.'") while his parents argue inside.

 

"This is a classy date you've decided to take me on, Ockie," Jed says.

 

Octavius raises an eyebrow over at Jedediah before lauching another toy for the cat to chase. "What, you don't like sitting on three-legged lawn chairs and using a homemade trebuchet to exercise your cat while drinking lemonade? This isn't a good way to spend Valentine's Day, in your eyes?"

 

Jed sticks his tongue out at Octavius because he's mature.

 

Octavius accepts the toy back from Richard Wagner, patting her orange head, and loads up the trebuchet again.

 

"I think my cat loves you more than she loves me," Jed grumbles, watching as Richard Wagner twists between Octavius's legs and purrs like a chainsaw.

 

"What can I say?" Octavius grins over at Jedediah, pulling the release on the trebuchet again. "I'm a pussy magnet."

 

Jedediah's lemonade comes out of his nose.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

Octavius and Jedediah watch the stars on February 26th, and Octavius describes the constellations like he had on Halloween.

 

"I've heard all these before," Jed says, and looks over to see Octavius frowning at him.

 

"You're a writer, Jedediah," Ockie says, and his words don't make Jed feel any better. He's been neglecting his novel for a long time, too busy working and having no motivation and hanging out with Octavius. "You tell me what's in the stars. Your version of it."

 

Jed mirrors Octavius's frown, and looks back up at the sky. It sounds kind of lame, but Jedediah does love to tell stories. He thinks about what he wants to say, whose story he'll tell.

 

"I'm not saying you-" Octavius starts, but Jedediah shakes his head.

 

"It's alright, Ockie. I know what I'm gonna tell you about," he says. Jed clears his throat, and points to a cluster of stars that looks like an eye. "A long time ago, in a land far away and vastly different from our own, there lived a girl named Jessica."

 

Octavius looks to Jedediah, eyes wide. Jed gives him an uncertain smile and meets the eye's starry gaze, swallowing hard before continuing.

 

"Jessica was the most beautiful girl around, with long, corn-colored hair and the bluest eyes you can imagine. She had a twin brother named Jeremiah, who had hair the color of wheat and a set of baby blue eyes. Jessica and Jeremiah were the closest brother and sister in the whole world, playing together all the time, curling up in bed with each other when they'd have nightmares, and sharing all their toys. Jeremiah thought Jessica was the best sister because she liked broccoli, and would always eat his for him and not tell their mother he hadn't eaten his vegetables. Jessica thought Jeremiah was the best brother in the world because he let her eat all his broccoli and didn't tell their mother she'd had extra vegetables," Jedediah pauses, blinking furiously.

 

Octavius slides his hand over Jed's, trying to comfort him. "You don't have to do this."

 

Jed shakes his head, but doesn't move his hand from under Octavius's. "Yeah. I do, boi," he says. He takes a steadying breath, twisting his wrist so his palm touches Octavius's. "One day, Jeremiah had a guitar lesson. It was pouring rain that day, and Jeremiah's father wanted to call off the lesson, but Jeremiah was insistent that he wanted to go. His father begrudgingly complied, and they got to the lesson without difficulty. Jessica always liked to sit in on Jeremiah's lessons, hoping that one day their father would get her a guitar, too, and she and her brother could learn together. This day was the same as it always was, until the lesson was over and the father came to pick the twins up. On the way home..." Jedediah's face crumples, his breathing coming in quick gasps.

 

Octavius laces their fingers together and rolls into Jedediah's side, wrapping his free arm around Jed's middle to try and keep him soothed. "Jed," he says quietly, and Jedediah simply shakes his head again.

 

Jed takes a few moments to regain his composure, then clears his throat and continues the story, "On the way home from the guitar lesson that day, the rain, the first rain since May, had gotten worse. The father could barely see through the curtain of rain, and so he didn't see the truck before the two vehicles collided. Metal twisted and screamed and so did Jess, but Jeremiah was silent, already knocked out by the force of his guitar case hitting his head. Jeremiah woke up in a hospital, his mother clutching onto his hand like a lifeline, though he wouldn't know what that was for another couple of years. The mother wept and wept, and Jeremiah was confused as to why. He was okay, couldn't she see? His nose hurt a little and his arm felt funny, but he was okay. He was a lucky one, little Jeremiah Smith. He got out of it with only a broken nose and a broken arm, both courtesy of the guitar case that also saved his life. Jessica Smith wasn't so lucky, and she died at, at-" Jedediah's voice hitches and he forces himself to breathe through his blocked throat.

 

"It's okay, Jed," Octavius whispers. Jedediah squeezes his fingers in thanks, but takes another few moments to recollect himself.

 

"Jessica Smith died at 6:31 on August 14th, 2006 after fighting for nineteen hours to stay alive. Her loss devastated the Smith family. Their golden girl was gone, leaving behind the guilty, lonely boy. The father turned to drink and blamed Jeremiah for Jessica's death. The mother was despondent for years, lost in her grief, and couldn't protect Jeremiah from his father's blame. Jeremiah was self-destructive before he was nine years old, hating himself and wanting nothing more than to join his sister in wherever children went when they died. Then Jeremiah met a girl named Amelia, and little did he know that Amelia would be the one to save him. She was radiant, as bright as the sun, and she reminded Jeremiah so much of his sister that he came to see Amelia as such.

 

"Jeremiah made himself change, told himself he wasn't the same person as before and needed to fit into this new life he had. He changed his name to something that reminded him less of his sister, changed everything about himself. Even then, the boy still felt unmoored, like he was a balloon slowly ascending to the stratosphere. He looked to the past, found a passion in it, then looked to the skies and found comfort." Jed stares at the starry eye unblinkingly, a tiny, sad playing around his lips. "The boy looked to the eye in the sky, and the blue of it reminded him of what he'd lost. A new constellation was born, then, and Jedediah named it _soror_ , for his sister."

 

Octavius puts his forehead on Jed's chest, feels his heartbeat, and hugs him tighter. Silence follows Jedediah's story, and Octavius wonders if anyone else knows the whole thing except for Jedediah himself. He wonders if maybe Jed's buried past is digging itself up with its own bones.

 

"That took courage, to tell me all of that," Octavius says, and he shifts so his chin presses to Jedediah's chest.

 

Jed exhales softly, in what might be a facsimile of a scoff, or it might just be a sigh. "Figured you might want some more of the history-slash-mystery surrounding ol' Jedediah Smith."

 

"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to tell me," Octavius assures him, and his thumb strokes over Jedediah's in tiny circles.

 

"Yeah, I do," Jedediah says. "You deserve to know it all, Ockie. You can have all my dirty laundry, 'cause it's all out to air, now."

 

Octavius breathes a laugh, his eyelids drooping as he stares up at Jedediah's face, at his crooked nose and full lips. "I like doing laundry," he says. "It's satisfying to have your clothes clean."

 

"But what happens when you run out of room for clean laundry? When your dresser gets full or there ain't any hangers in the closet?" Jed asks.

 

Octavius smiles fondly, reaching up languidly to tweak Jedediah's nose. "You get rid of things that don't fit anymore."

 

"What if it's a pair of stretchy pants or a shirt that's way too big that probably belonged to your dad at some point?"

 

"That sounds like pajamas," Octavius says. "You wear pajamas to bed."

 

Jed prods Octavius curiously. "Are you saying I should put my old problems to rest? That maybe I'm wearing someone else's issues and claiming them as my own?"

 

Octavius grumbles and presses his face into Jedediah's chest, so whatever he says next is muffled, but he goes quiet afterwards, so Jedediah figures it must not've been anything important.

 

"Grief is like your favorite sweater," Jed says, "you can wear it for a long time, but it won't fit forever."

 

It takes him fifteen minutes to realize that Octavius is asleep, and Jedediah just decides that who cares if it's February and cold as hell, they'll sleep outside tonight. He regrets that decisions when Octavius wakes up and starts sneezing everywhere.

 

 

\- - -

 

** MARCH **

 

 

\- - -

 

 

Julia and Robert Smith are officially divorced on a Wednesday, and Jedediah has never seen his mother look so carefree, with her hair down, her eyes shut as she smiles, and her head back as she breathes in the fresh air.

 

She looks over at Jed, "I think I might go back to my maiden name. Julia Williams sounds much better than Julia Smith, don't you think?"

 

Jedediah grins back at her. "So does Jedediah Williams, doesn't it?"

 

The looks of pride on her face isn't one Jed will ever forget.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

 

"I can't believe you, Ockie," Jed says, scowling down at his phone.

 

Octavius quirks his eyebrows, but doesn't look up from where he's poking Richard Wagner's belly while the cat lazily paws at his finger.

 

"You posted a picture of Ricky Wangles and it got over double the likes my last picture of the little turd got," Jedediah says, and that this Octavius does look up, just to roll his eyes and go back to poking the cat.

 

"Ricky Wangles? I don't think she looks like a Ricky Wangles," Octavius says. Richard Wagner grabs his finger with soft paws and nips at it. Octavius responds by laying his fingertip over Richard Wagner's nose and saying, "Boop."

 

Jedediah sighs and looks away from Octavius, sickened by how adorable he is. "It's not even a good picture of her," Jed says, looking at the picture of his cat again.

 

Octavius hums, placing his hand on Richard Wagner's belly and chuckling at her wide-eyed appraisal of it. Richard Wagner decides it isn't good enough to complain about and lays back, so Octavius strokes at her belly. "I adore you, little cat," he tells Richard Wagner.

 

Jed huffs. "Try cleaning up her puke, see how much you adore her then," he says.

 

"He's just mad that you like me better," Octavius says to Richard Wagner.

 

"What're you talking about, Ockie? That cat loves me more than anything," Jedediah says. "Lemme show you," he lowers his hand over the side of his lawn chair and snaps his fingers. "Wagner," he calls, and whistles a couple times. Richard Wagner rolls onto her feet and dutifully plods over to Jed, hopping up into his lap and settling down when Jedediah scratches behind her ears.

 

Octavius frowns. "Rude," he says, and Jed just laughs at him.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

Jedediah comes out to his father a week after the divorce, when his father comes by to get the last box of his stuff from the house that Jed and his mom will continue to live in.

 

"I'm attracted to guys," Jed says casually when his father is opening the front door, the box under one arm.

 

His father freezes, then turns to look back at Jedediah, scowling. "Always fuckin' knew somethin' was wrong with you," he says, and he leaves.

 

Jed marvels at how easy that was, and hopes the other shoe never drops.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"Can I hold your hand?" Octavius asks out of the blue one day. It's spring break, late at night, and earlier they jumped the fence at the elementary school to come and sit on the swings, since there aren't many parks with swing sets around.

 

Jedediah purses his lips thoughtfully. "If you hold my hand, will it mean something?"

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"Will it mean something? Something...more than this whole, dancing around each other and being bull-headed boys about our feelings for each other. If you hold my hand, will it be as my friend, or will it be something more?" Jed asks, and he looks over, trying to make out Octavius's face in the near-perfect darkness.

 

Octavius frowns at Jed, thinking. He hadn't really had any motive in asking for Jedediah's hand, it had just been an impulse to ask. "Does it have to mean something?"

 

Jedediah sighs and looks away. Octavius gets the feeling that that was the wrong answer, because Jed starts swinging, going higher and higher while Octavius sticks close to the ground.

 

They leave the school later when their yawns pop their jaws, not having done much more talking.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"Oh my god," Octavius says, eyes as wide as dinner plates.

 

"Tavi?" his mother asks, looking at him curiously.

 

Octavius reads it again, his breath catches in his throat. He looks up at his mother, and she notices the tears in his eyes.

 

"What's wrong?" she asks, fingers twitching like she isn't sure if she should hug him or not.

 

"I got in," he says breathlessly.

 

It takes his mom a moment, but then her eyes go just as wide as his. "You got in?"

 

" _I got into MIT_!" he says, and he's crying, and his mother starts crying, and they embrace, the letter still clutched tightly in Octavius's hand.

 

His father comes downstairs a moment later, confused, but one look at the elatedness on his son's face and the wrinkled letter in his hand and he knows. He joins their hug and Octavius closes his eyes, thanking whatever deity exists for all his hard work paying off.

 

When they end their little family hug, Octavius immediately pulls his phone out, calling Jedediah as quickly as he can.

 

"Howdy, Ock-"

 

" _I GOT INTO MIT!_ " Octavius yells.

 

" _HOLY SHIT!_ " Jedediah yells back.

 

" _THIS IS A DREAM COME TRUE!_ "

 

" _I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!_ "

 

" _THANKS!_ "

 

" _YOU'RE WELCOME_! _ARE WE DONE YELLING!_ "

 

" _I THIN-_ I think so," Octavius clears his throat.

 

"Alright. Holy shit, boi, that's great news," Jedediah says.

 

"I'm so excited, Jed! I've always wanted to go to MIT, and I just got the letter, and this is everything I ever wanted."

 

Jedediah grins into his phone, loving how happy Octavius sounds. "I'm glad. You deserve the best, Mr. Valedictorian."

 

Octavius smiles, too, looking down at the acceptance letter again. It feels like everything in his life is falling into place.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

Jedediah throws the book he's reading down, heaving a heavy sigh and flopping back onto Octavius's bed. "Why can't queer kids have happy stories?" he asks.

 

Octavius turns from his homework, eyebrows raised. "I've met several member of the LGBT community who have perfectly happ-"

 

"I mean books, Ockie," Jed corrects. "I just wanna read a book with a queer protagonist whose story doesn't revolve around sadness. Why can't I just have something cute and fluffy and gay, instead of some poor kid whose parents die so they get sent to some Bible-thumper correctional camp, or somebody dies, or something."

 

"I don't know, Jed," Octavius says. "I don't know why authors decide gay people don't get happy endings. It's not a very hopeful message, reading books and watching shows where the gay people are all either stereotypes or are 'broken' in some way. It makes me feel like we don't deserve happy endings or to be three-dimensional."

 

Jedediah nods emphatically. "You hit the nail on the head, boi! All this queer narrative telling us we ain't gonna end up okay, or that bisexuals all sleep with five hundred people a week and cheat on their partners. I mean, you're a gay quarterback, that's already gotta be breaking some kind of stereotype, and I've never had a relationship _or_ slept with anyone, so there's another." He nods again, like he's agreeing with his own words. "That's what I wanna write about. A kid who is happy, normal, has a great life and falls in love, and just so happens to be gay. Or maybe I could write about somebody like Custer and Attila, y'know? An aromantic who falls in friend-love and lives happily ever after with the platonic love of their life. That's what I wanna read about, not just this Nicholas Sparks shit with the same 2-D white guy and gal who make out in the rain at some point."

 

Octavius smiles, then frowns just as quickly. "Are we a stereotype, since we're both, for lack of a better term, fucked up?"

 

Jedediah seems to really think about this, then slowly shrugs. "I don't know, Ockie. You gotta admit that our backstories are cliché as all hell, but I think it really depends on how this'll end. D'you think we'll get our happy ending?"

 

"I don't really think there is such a thing as an ending, Jed," Octavius says. "The only definite end is when your whole existence has been forgotten by everyone alive, I think. As long as there's someone who remembers you, or who has heard of you, you're still alive in a sense. Humans do that, don't they? The whole, um, collective memory thing."

 

Jed nods, looking at Octavius wonderingly. "If there is such a thing as a life beyond life, Ockie -- if we don't die until we're completely forgotten -- I hope I'm remembered alongside you."

 

Octavius rolls his eyes, but his heart is warmed. "What sappy drivel," he says, "yet I agree with the sentiment."

 

Jedediah scoffs at him and goes back to reading his book. Octavius watches him for a little while longer, and knows that if there is such thing as a happy ending, Jedediah would be a vital part in his.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

Jed is accepted into Yale, and he screams over the phone at Octavius for almost half an hour.

 

Their fairytale happy ending seems more and more reachable.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

** APRIL **

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"If I brought my collection of preserved dead animals in jars to school do you think the faculty would make me take them home?"

 

"Yes, Ahk, I do think they would."

 

"Couldn't you pull some strings? Your dad _is_ the vice principal."

 

"That doesn't mean I can make miracles happen! Maybe you could bring, like, one, but I don't think anything more than one dead cat in a jar would be a good idea."

 

"I suppose you're right. If I bring more than one they might break against each other."

 

"That wasn't exactly the point I was trying to get across, but if it'll keep you from bringing the whole collection to show off to Wea I'll take it."

 

"Custer wants to see them, too!"

 

" _Custer_ needs to stop talking about himself in the third person. We talked about this, okay man?"

 

"Lancelot would also like to see the collection of dead animals in jars!"

 

"Not you too, Lance. I thought you were better than this."

 

"I wanna see them!"

 

"Tilly, don't encourage him, please."

 

"See, Nick? Everyone wants to see my dead animals."

 

"Hey, Jed. You don't wanna see Ahk's-"

 

"I'd rather not see anything of Ahk's, if that's alright with y'all. No offense, Ahk, but I ain't that into you."

 

"That's because Jedediah's in _looooove_ with _Octaviuuuus_."

 

"You hush up, Ace. Just 'cause you're all hunky-dory with Blondie over there-"

 

"'Hunky-dory?' Who says that?"

 

"Don't judge me, Ahk, you have a collection of dead animals in jars."

 

"Ahkmenrah has a _what_?"

 

"Nice of you to finally join us, Ockie. You've come in at a weird time."

 

"You're telling me."

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"I can't believe you actually brought one of your dead cats in a jar, Ahk. You're disgusting."

 

"Love you too, Nicky."

 

 

\- - -

 

 

Jedediah shuffles his feet, trying not to appear anxious and probably failing spectacularly. "Ockie," he says to get his attention.

 

Octavius taps away at his phone for another second, then puts it down and devotes his full attention to Jed. "Yes, Jed?"

 

This is the hard part. With Octavius's unyielding gaze on him, Jedediah feels as small as a bug. He folds his hands behind him and straightens up, trying to look confident. "Come with me to the play," he says.

 

"The play," Octavius says, considering. "The one your friends are in?"

 

Jed nods. "Called _All My Sons_. They've all got lead roles, I think."

 

Octavius hums. "When is it?"

 

"There's gonna be several showings, but I was thinking of going on Friday. Most people I know are planning on Saturday, so it should be less crowded," Jedediah says.

 

"It sounds like it would be fun. It's the last play of the year, right? Don't they usually set up some chairs onstage for this one?"

 

Jed nods again, "Yeah, they have some risers set up. Makes it more intimate, I guess? Last year they did a play called _You Can't Take It With You_ , and that was pretty good. Ahk got the male lead in that one and he killed it."

 

Octavius smiles. "I'll go see the play with you," he says.

 

It was easier than Jed had thought it would be, and for that he's quite happy.

 

The days leading up to the play fly by, with Jedediah reminding Octavius of it every day in what he hopes is coming across as cute and/or adorable, instead of annoying. Friday finally comes, and Jed picks up Octavius two hours early so they can grab a bite to eat and make sure they get good seats.

 

The play is good, if sad. Their friends all do amazingly well and Jed gives them what Octavius refers to as a 'Texas hell yeah.' Sometimes Jedediah really can't believe Octavius is real.

 

Octavius makes Jed take them to get ice cream afterwards, and unlike the last time, when he'd ordered a reasonable double chocolate, this time he gets a triple scoop with the unholy combination of rainbow sherbet, rocky road, and butter pecan.

 

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Jedediah asks, utterly horrified.

 

Octavius wiggles his eyebrows and licks up the side of the ice cream tower, getting all of the flavors in one go. "It's delicious," he says once he's swallowed.

 

Jed can't even bear to watch him, turning to order his usual double strawberry and not looking at Octavius until they've paid for their ice cream and are seated across the table from each other. Jedediah eyes Octavius's abomination, half-afraid it's going to come to life and kill them both.

 

"You want a lick?" Octavius asks, and Jedediah blinks out of his musings on giant killer ice cream cones.

 

"Huh?" Jed says intelligently.

 

Octavius rolls his eyes and holds out the cone to Jed. "Try it," he says.

 

Jedediah gives him an incredulous look. "I don't wanna try that! I'm getting a stomachache just seeing it."

 

The ice cream wiggles, like Octavius is trying to make it look more appealing. "Come on, Jed. It won't kill you to try something new."

 

"It might kill me to try that," Jed says, but leans forward anyway. With no small amount of trepidation, he darts his tongue out to sample all of the flavors together. He immediately gags and laps at his strawberry to try and get the taste out of his mouth. It's just as awful as he'd figured it would be.

 

Octavius rolls his eyes again at Jedediah's theatrics and goes back to eating his frozen pile of sin. His hand is resting on the Formica tabletop innocently, stretched out just a little under halfway across. Jed glances down at it, trying not to be obvious about acknowledging its presence. Casually, Jed puts his hand on the table too, and while he busies himself with eating ice cream he slowly edges it closer to Ockie's. Their fingertips touch, and Octavius's hand spasms, but quickly goes still again.

 

Their eyes meet, and Jedediah can see a challenge written on Octavius's face. Never one to back down from a dare, he laces their fingers together, squeezing lightly. Octavius sucks his top lip into his mouth like he's trying to hold back a smile, but when he goes back to enjoying his ice cream he certainly looks pleased.

 

Jedediah's pretty happy about it, too.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"Feels like the end of something, doesn't it?" Jed says, one side of his lips hitched up.

 

"I don't think so," Octavius says. They're back on the swings at the elementary school. They've been coming here more often, oftentimes just sitting and soaking in each other's presence. Octavius loves that about what they have, that they can just sit and not say anything, that they enjoy just being together.

 

Jedediah jostles their joined hands, making Octavius look over at him. Octavius can just make out the crease of his brow since he doesn't have his signature hat on. "It feels like we're losing our childhoods, boi. We're growing up, going off to college soon, and what are we doing?" Jed looks away, but doesn't wait for Ockie to answer before continuing, "We're sitting on a couple of swings in the dark like we're, I don't know, trying to cling to the last vestiges of our pasts."

 

Octavius snorts. "Poetic," he says, and Jedediah replies by sticking his tongue out. "Jedediah, we don't have to grow up. Sure, we'll get older, we'll get real jobs, and we'll have to become independent, but we can always stay children at heart, if you want."

 

"If I want?" Jed says, looking down at their hands. "What about what _you_ want?"

 

"I want you to be happy," Octavius says readily, like he'd been anticipating that exact question.

 

Jedediah nods, then lifts Octavius's hand, kissing each of his knuckles softly before answering, "You make me happy, Ockie. The happiest guy on the planet."

 

"I find you have the same effect on me," Octavius says.

 

They look at each other in the dim moonlight, their hands swinging together idly. It feels different than it usually does, like it's a promise of something yet to come.

 

Indeed it is, because Octavius clears his throat and clutches a little tighter at Jed's fingers. He says, softly, "May I kiss you, Jedediah?"

 

Jed grins and leans in. "Thought you'd never ask."

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"We should talk about us," Jed says. They're in one of the few parks in town, already having been chased off the elementary school grounds by a well-meaning parent.

 

Ockie frowns. "What about us? Are you displeased with the kissing and the hand-holding?"

 

Jed shakes his head. "No, no, not at all. The opposite, actually. I wanted to know if, well," he rubs the back of his neck, suddenly unable to look anywhere near Octavius's eyes. "I was kinda hoping you'd, um, consider being my, oh. My partner?"

 

"Your partner? Is this a cowboy thing?" Octavius says.

 

Jedediah clears his throat, and finally meets Octavius's gaze again. "Not the cowboy kind. The, um, the boyfriend kind."

 

Octavius grins, mischief sparkling in his eyes. "Why, Jedediah. Surely you aren't asking an outstanding heterosexual such as myself to be your boyfriend?"

 

Jed squawks out a laugh. "'Outstanding heterosexual,' that's a new one. Last I remember you were King Gay-Ass of Homoland."

 

"What? Me? King Gay-Ass of Homoland?" Octavius lets out a scandalized gasp that's ruined by his irrepressible smile. "I'll have you know that I'm _Emperor_ Octavius Gay-Ass, founder of Ancient Home."

 

"Ancient _Home_? Is that a pun about Ancient _Rome_? If so, it was kinda weak. Octavius Gaius didn't even found Rome," Jedediah says.

 

Octavius rolls his eyes. "Alright, Mr. Future-History-Professor, you caught me." He steps forward, pressing a light kiss to Jed's lips. "In all seriousness, I would love to be your boyfriend, Jedediah."

 

"That's a relief," Jed says. "I thought I was gonna have to be jerkin' it alone for the rest of my life."

 

Octavius sighs, pushing at his new boyfriend's shoulder. "You're so crude."

 

"You love it," Jedediah says with a shit-eating grin.

 

"If only I didn't," Octavius says, but when he puts his arm around Jed anyway, they both consider it a win.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

On the last day of April, Jedediah Smith officially changes his name to Jedediah Williams. He sees it as a second chance.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

** MAY **

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"Hello, boyfriend," Jed greets Octavius in the hall after the lunch bell rings.

 

Octavius pecks him on the lips. "Howdy, boyfriend," he says, trying his best to sound like a cowboy and failing quite miserably.

 

"Holy _shit_!" a voice says from behind them, and they turn curiously to see Amelia and Lance watching them excitedly, eyes and smiles wide. "It finally happened, Lancey! All these months of putting up with their mutual pining, of waiting and hoping, they finally got their acts together!"

 

Lancelot gives Jed and Ockie and thumbs-up with the hand that isn't being commandeered by Amelia. "Thanks for not getting together last month, guys! You helped us win the bet!"

 

"You were betting on when we'd get together?" Jed asks.

 

Amelia nods. "Oh yeah. Everybody's in on it. Come on, Lance, let's go rub it in everyone's faces that we won." Amelia and Lance go prancing off, obviously feeling great about themselves.

 

Octavius chuckles good-naturedly and looks back at Jedediah, who's wearing an expression of shock.

 

"They were betting on us, Ockie. All of our friends," Jed says, like it's actually hard to believe.

 

"Oh come on. We both know we've been after each other since practically the beginning of the school year. It's really not that big of a surprise, I'm sure," Octavius says. "Speaking of being after each other, I have something for you, Jed."

 

Jed gives Octavius his attention again, winding their arms together. "What's up, boo-boo bear?"

 

Octavius makes a face.

 

"No boo-boo bear? I'll come up with something better," Jed says.

 

Ockie nods and smiles at his boyfriend. "I have something to show you."

 

Jedediah grins and lets Octavius pull him along into the cafeteria. He urges Jed to sit at their regular table and then, without so much as a warning, climbs up on top of it.

 

"Attention, Gladiators!" Octavius says, his voice booming out over the low roar of lunchtime conversation. "It is I, your football team captain, Octavius Gaius," he says. A small cheer goes up and he smiles in the direction of it. "As you all know, 'tis the season for a very special night. As such, I would like to draw your attention to a certain Mr. Jedediah Williams, seated before me."

 

"What're you doing, you crazy kid?" Jed whispers up at Octavius, but his boyfriend just smiles at him.

 

"Jedediah Williams, in front of our student body, I ask you if you would do me the honor of accompanying me to Prom this year," Octavius says.

 

Jed stares at him wide-eyed for a moment, before breaking out into a grin. "You're my boyfriend, Ockie, 'course I'm gonna go to Prom with you, you cheesy goober." Jedediah tugs Octavius off the table and into a kiss as the lunchroom breaks out into a chorus of adoring noises and catcalling.

 

When Jed lets Octavius go, they're both grinning like fools. "One promposal, à la High School Musical 3," Octavius says, and Jed rolls his eyes before kissing him again.

 

"What'd I ever do to deserve a corny bastard like you?" Jedediah says.

 

"It was pretty lucky that you asked me to be your boyfriend first, right?" Octavius says.

 

Jedediah decides that that fortuitous turn of events deserves another kiss.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"Does it feel like this is all too sudden?" Octavius asks a few days before Prom.

 

Jedediah looks at him confusedly, "Does what feel too sudden?"

 

Octavius gestures vaguely at both of them. "This. Our whole, um, relationship. Do you think it was too sudden?"

 

"I don't know what you're getting at, Ockie. Do you not want to be my boyfriend?" Jed asks. He tells himself he'll be okay with it, if Octavius decides they're better off as friends, but he knows it'll hurt like hell to hear it said out loud.

 

"That's not what I'm trying to say, Jed. It just feels like one day I was afraid to date you and the next day I agreed to be your boyfriend. Am I a fake bitch?" Octavius asks.

 

Jedediah sighs, knocking Octavius's shoulder with his. "Come on, Ockie, don't get down on yourself like this. I know you've wanted to date me for ages now, but you wouldn't date me 'cause I wasn't out to my dad. Well, I don't consider him my dad anymore, I'm out to him, and _I_ asked _you_ out. I mean, we said our 'I love you's before we were even dating. It feels like everything's in reverse, like this has been a long time coming. You ain't a fake bitch in my eyes."

 

Octavius frowns, but nods. "Okay. Thanks, Jed," he says.

 

"Love you, Ockie," Jedediah says, and he loves the way Octavius visibly melts, a dopey smile blossoming on his face.

 

"I love you too, Jedediah," Octavius says.

 

Later that day they go out to look for tuxedoes, and when Jedediah wants a powder blue one Octavius goes along with it. Maybe that's what love is:  letting them get a ridiculous outfit and making sure you look just as silly.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

Prom is fun. Jedediah and Octavius wears complementary colors, Dexter shows everyone up with his dance moves, Wea dips Teddy during a slow song and he blushes for the rest of the evening, Ahk wears all black with gaudy jewelry while Nicky has a suit that perfectly matches his eyes, and Amelia dances with Lancelot all night. They all get their pictures made and every single one turns out sickeningly cute. Everyone has a great time, and when their Prom ends the group goes out and gets pizza.

 

They don't stick around for too long, not wanting to keep the staff here for longer than they should be, going to walk downtown as they eat. Wea, Ahk, Nicky, Attila, Custer, and Dexter share a vegetarian pizza, while everyone else chows down on meat lovers. It's a nice night, the perfect weather for strolling around outside in formalwear. Everyone's tired, but they're all smiling. It feels like a last hurrah, like when this night ends, so do they. That's not true, of course, but the end of days grows nearer with every sunset.

 

"We've gotta contact each other," Jed is saying to Amelia. "Just because you're going off to your fancy NASA internship don't mean you can't keep in touch."

 

Amelia smiles at Jed, linking their arms. "You worry too much, Jed. I'm always gonna be your friend. There's such a thing as cell phones. We could even use the internet, if we needed to. If you don't meet somebody to replace me at Yale, that is."

 

Jedediah scoffs. "Replace you? Those're some big shoes to fill, Ace. Besides, what're the chances I'll find a firebrand 5'4" asexual who dreams about flying at Yale? From what I hear, everybody who goes there is a big ol' fuddy-duddy.

 

Octavius lets them have their moment, falling back to walk with Lancelot. They don't say anything for a while, looking up at the stars or down at the cracked sidewalk.

 

"Will you call?" Octavius asks eventually.

 

Lance smiles sideways at him. "As long as you will, too."

 

"Of course. Whenever I can," Octavius says. "You're my best friend."

 

"And you're my partner in crime," Lancelot says. "I'll miss you."

 

Octavius pulls Lance into a one-armed hug. "And I you."

 

Nothing else needs to be said. It's not goodbye quite yet, they have time to enjoy the night breeze and the sounds of their friends chattering away. It's lethargic, something that Octavius is certain to look back on fondly. It may be the last time they all see each other outside of school, and he wants to enjoy it. He wants to enjoy every last moment, from the high-energy laughing and dancing of Prom to the final kiss of the night on Jedediah's front porch.

 

"See you soon?" Jedediah says.

 

"We always have Monday," Octavius says, and they go their separate ways for the night.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"Ockie, if we don't make it-"

 

"We'll make it."

 

"If we don't make it-"

 

"We'll make it!"

 

"If we don't make it, I love you!"

 

"We're _making it!_ "

 

" _RUN!_ "

 

"I'M GOING AS FAST AS I CAN, JED!"

 

"GO FASTER!"

 

"WE AREN'T GOING TO- Hey, that wasn't so bad."

 

"We did it, Ockie! That boss was nothing, just a blip on our radar."

 

"I think we should kiss to celebrate this victory."

 

"I agree one hundred per- Are you _shitting_ me?"

 

"Another health bar? That's the third one!"

 

"If we don't make it-"

 

"HE'S CHARGING HIS SUPER ATTACK WE'VE NO TIME FOR CONVERSATION!"

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"Do you wish to engage in combat?"

 

"Jedediah, stop memeing."

 

"Ockie, fight m- Holy fuck you actually got your sword out I didn't mean it I swear."

 

"It's a foil, not a sword."

 

"Po-tay-to, po-tah-to. Please never whip it out again."

 

"You don't like when I whip it ou-"

 

"FORGET I SAID ANYTHING."

 

 

\- - -

 

 

Richard Wagner is sprawled across both Jedediah and Octavius, and they're all passed out on the couch. Jed's mother finds them at nine in the morning, empty soda cans and chip bags strewn around them while the TV is frozen on a screen proclaiming their deaths. Their hands are joined in the middle of the couch, and Ms. Williams laughs quietly as she takes a picture with her phone for blackmail material.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

The entire week before graduation passes in a blur of Octavius practicing his speech to anyone who'll listen to him. By the time the ceremony comes along, Jedediah is pretty sure he could quote it word for word. Nothing could prepare him for hearing Octavius recite it in front of the whole school, though.

 

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen," Octavius's speech starts out, and Jedediah can't keep his eyes off of his boyfriend. Octavius looks positively regal standing at the podium in front of everyone, his cap and gown an eye-catching red. "It is truly a great honor to stand in front of you all right now. I would like to express my deep appreciation and gratitude to everyone who helped me get here, whether they be friend, family, teacher, or role model."

 

Octavius goes on about how great he finds the school, all the opportunities provided for the students, how amazing his fellow graduates are. Jedediah went to his cousin's graduation a few years back, and was bored to tears. This brings back memories of that night, even if it is his boyfriend up there talking.

 

"We are the Gladiators. We are proud and strong and we can accomplish anything we put our minds to. Remember that, graduates. We will be the great changers, the thinkers, the brilliant and awe-inspiring. Every day we change the world. Every day we leave our mark on this planet of ours. Every day is another infinitesimal difference that we cause. It can take a long time to do anything of substance to this world, to make a change with a lasting effect, but we can do it." Octavius looks out over the sea of red gowns, and he smiles. "I believe in the power of the human spirit, and I believe in the power of the gladiators assembled before me. Congratulations, graduates. May the world tremble before you."

 

A cheer goes up, with Jedediah trying to shout above the rest. He isn't quite sure if he succeeds, but Octavius seeks him out with his eyes and smiles at him, so Jedediah likes to think he managed it.

 

The time spent waiting for his diploma feels like an eternity, but finally Jedediah walks across the stage, shakes hands, and grabs the piece of paper that signifies he's done with high school. It feels like victory.

 

Jed is surrounded by people congratulating him, but what he really wants is to see Octavius. He tries to dodge around his family, trying to find Ockie somewhere in the crowd, but a hand at the small of his back gets his attention. Octavius is smiling at him, and Jedediah grins broadly, throwing his arms around his boyfriend's neck.

 

"We did it, Ockie! We graduated, boi!" he says.

 

Octavius kisses him soundly and Jed melts into it. "I'm proud of us," Octavius says. Jedediah can't help but agree.

 

They introduce themselves to each other's families as boyfriends and their hands stay joined until they have to part ways.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

** JUNE **

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"It's gonna suck when I can't see you every day."

 

"We already don't see each other every day."

 

"Oh yeah? When's the last day we didn't hang out?"

 

"I, um. Huh. I don't know."

 

"Yeah. We're always with each other, boi. I'm gonna miss you."

 

"Our schools are only two hours away from each other."

 

"Still feels like ten million hours."

 

"We aren't even gone yet!"

 

"Yeah, but we will be soon. We've gotta make sure to call each other, text, Skype, whatever. I ain't gonna quit you."

 

"Was that a reference to Brokeback Mountain?"

 

"I thought it was fitting."

 

"I suppose it is. Kind of. The actual quote is-"

 

"I know the actual quote. I'm a bisexual cowboy, Ockie, 'course I've seen the bisexual cowboy movie."

 

"Okay, okay. For the record, I won't quit you, either."

 

"Romantic."

 

"Oh, hush. You said it first."

 

 

\- - -

 

 

 

 

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"We should all go to the beach," Amelia says decisively from where she's thrown herself over one of Octavius's couches.

 

Lancelot nods from the loveseat a few feet away. "We should. The four of us versus the heterosexual beachgoers."

 

Octavius snorts. "Every time we go to the beach you turn into a lobster by the end of the day," he says.

 

"I'd make sure he was wearing plenty of sunscreen," Amelia says.

 

Jedediah frowns. "Was that you trying to flirt, Ace?"

 

"I believe she was just stating a fact," Lancelot says.

 

"Face it, Lance," Octavius says. "Your horrendously pasty English-Pakistani self would be burnt to a crisp if we spent a day at the beach. That's what you get for only spending time outside during football season."

 

 Lancelot pouts at him. "I think I can handle _one day_ at the beach."

 

Octavius raises his eyebrows. "Really? Do you remember when we were twelve and you fell asleep and-"

 

"We agreed not to talk about that," Lance interrupts. "Okay, maybe you have a point. That was once, though, and Meel already said she'd take care of me."

 

"Aw, that's cute. He calls you Meel," Jed says.

 

Amelia rolls her eyes. "Boys, boys. You think I'm giving you a choice? We're going to the beach this Saturday. Octavius can pick everyone up since he doubts my abilities to keep Lance protected from the sun. Let's say he'll be by to get each of us anytime from 7:30 to 8:00?"

 

Octavius frowns. "I don't even know where you live."

 

"I'll be at Lance's house. That ought to make it easier on you," she says.

 

Since he doesn't have an argument against that, Octavius just nods begrudgingly.

 

Amelia glances around and sighs when she sees no one looks particularly happy. "Oh, come on. It'll be fun! One last group outing before we all go off on our own paths. Is it so bad that I just want one more day for all of us?"

 

Jedediah smiles at her. "I'm excited," he says. "I get to see my hot boyfriend in a swimsuit, maybe Lance will have a ponytail, there may be ice cream in it for me, what's not to love?"

 

"Of course that's what you're excited about," Amelia says.

 

"When else will it be socially acceptable for me to be mostly naked with Ockie in public? This is a rare and amazing opportunity which I will be taking full advantage of," Jed says, looking over at Octavius.

 

Ockie sighs at Jed, but takes his hand.

 

"That's it, then? Beach on Saturday, no objections?" Amelia says.

 

The boys all assent to the plan, and the wait for Saturday begins.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"So, I bet you're all wondering why I've gathered you here today," Amelia says.

 

"Uh, to go to the beach?" Jedediah says.

 

Amelia sighs. "There's that, yes, but today is a very _special_ day for someone in this car."

 

Octavius shrinks in his seat, keeping his eyes firmly fixed on the road ahead. Jed frowns at him, then back at Amelia, and then realization hits him.

 

"Is it your _birthday_ , Ockie?" Jedediah says, a grin stealing over his features. "You thought you could get off the hook by not telling me! Oh, you dirty dog."

 

Octavius shrugs awkwardly. "I, um. Technically it was yesterday. I didn't think Lance would say anything," he says, cutting an accusing glance at Lancelot in the rearview mirror.

 

Lance smiles sweetly at him. "I thought it was common knowledge, Tavi. How was I supposed to know you were keeping your birthday a secret?"

 

"I wasn't keeping it a secret," Octavius says petulantly, fingers flexing on the steering wheel.

 

"Don't get upset, honey-bunny," Jed says, placing his hand on Octavius's knee. "It just means we'll haveta make today even better than it was originally gonna be."

 

Octavius spares him a short, soft smile, and lets Jedediah keep his hand where it is as the drive continues on. Lancelot and Amelia give each other fond-but-exasperated looks and lean against each other.

 

They unload at the mildly populated beach, sunglasses fixed in place and bathing suits at the ready. With their beach gear locked and loaded, they start scoping out real estate for their towels and ice chest. Jedediah spots a family of three heading for a perfect looking spot and taps Amelia's arm.

 

"Ace, they're gonna take our beachfront property," he says, gesturing at the family.

 

Amelia scowls and adjusts her hold on her beach tote. "Not on my watch, they aren't." She starts sprinting down the beach, Jedediah following close behind.

 

"Oh no," Octavius says mildly, trailing them at a much calmer pace.

 

They go as fast as they can, their flip-flops sinking into the sand and making it harder to run. The family notices them when they're in the home stretch, the mother's eyes widening as Amelia flings her bag. The family stops to watch as the beach tote goes flying through the air, landing with a thud in the spot they'd been heading for. Jedediah capitalizes on their momentary distraction, leaping toward Amelia's bag and flopping painfully onto the sand beside it. Amelia joins him a moment later, quickly laying her towel down and settling on it. The family stares at Amelia and Jedediah for a few moments, before the mother shakes her head and leads her husband and child away.

 

Amelia high-fives Jed, and they set up on their newly-claimed stretch of beach. Jedediah rubs at his belly, regretting his decision to throw himself on the ground like he had. Not a shining moment, truly.

 

"I half-expected you to brawl that woman for this spot," Lancelot says as he and Octavius approach.

 

"She would not have won," Amelia says casually, pulling out her sunscreen. "I would have trounced her soundly and embarrassed her in front of all these lovely beachgoers. She was wise not to fight me for this spot."

 

Octavius squints at her from behind his sunglasses. "That's a little scary, if I'm honest."

 

Amelia grins. "Good. My favorite pastime is striking fear into the hearts of men."

 

"You strike fear in my pants, too," Lance says, wiggling his eyebrows.

 

"Cretin," Amelia says. "Let me lather you up."

 

Lancelot's hands hesitate at the hem of his shirt. He swallows, then hurriedly tugs his shirt off before he can convince himself out of it. He's never been completely comfortable with having his scars on full display in public places. Before he can even think about putting his shirt back on, Amelia places her hand on his hip, smiling encouragingly at him. Lance takes a deep breath, then nods for Amelia to start putting the sunscreen on him.

 

Octavius almost wants to cry at the sight. Lancelot's always insisted on keeping his shirt on when others can see, and to see him not flinch away from Amelia's hands as they spread sunscreen over his chest makes Octavius feel overwhelming pride for Lance and gratitude toward Amelia. It's progress, and it's something Octavius has always wanted to see.

 

"Ockie," Jed says.

 

Octavius snaps his attention to Jedediah. "Jed?"

 

"Help me with my sunscreen? I'll help you out, too." Jedediah wiggles the bottle.

 

"Okay," Octavius says, taking it and popping the cap.

 

Once everyone has on enough sunscreen to stop the sun itself from burning, they run into the water and turn into the little kids they all are on the inside. The first order of business is to start a chicken fight, because what else do you do in bodies of water, and Amelia and Lance win every single time, much to the chagrin of Jed and Octavius.

 

"They're cheating, Ockie," Jed says, spitting up saltwater. "There is no possible way they've won all five rounds."

 

"Maybe you should stop being such a sore loser, Jed," Amelia says from where she's still perched on Lancelot's shoulders.

 

Jedediah flips her off and Amelia sticks her tongue out at him. Lance finds it entertaining to listen to them squabble back and forth, but Octavius just feels like a total dad because he always has to stop their bickering.

 

"Would you _please_ stop calling each other names? No more jerkwads, or fuckheads, or asswipes, or shitsticks, and certainly no more arguing over who would be the Monopoly Man's sugarbaby," Octavius interrupts.

 

Amelia rolls her eyes and heads back toward their setup. "His name is Milburn Pennybags, you uncultured fucktruck."

 

Octavius frowns. "What in hell is a fucktruck supposed to be?"

 

"You shouldn't worry about it," Lancelot says, following Amelia.

 

"I think Ace's got plans to tan," Jed says. "Lancey'll probably stay with her 'cause that boy is over the moon for her."

 

Octavius cranes his neck around to look back at Jedediah. "And what will we do with ourselves in the meantime, boyfriend of mine?"

 

Jedediah grins, wading up and grabbing Octavius's hand. "Boardwalk?"

 

"It's not much of a boardwalk," Octavius says, pulling Jed along as he starts for the beach.

 

Jed shrugs. "I'm sure there's an ice cream place."

 

"Ah," Octavius says. "Always, with the ice cream."

 

"You're the one who always suggests we get ice cream. I figured I'd just skip the charade and get down to brass tacks," Jed says.

 

Octavius frowns at him. "That whole sentence was made up of idioms."

 

"You're an idiom."

 

"Infant."

 

They locate an ice cream shop easily enough, and Octavius gets a normal chocolate cone this time, instead of the monstrosity he'd gotten last time they'd had ice cream.

 

"I love ice cream," Jedediah says dreamily.

 

Octavius nods. "It's good."

 

"No, Ockie. You don't understand. I _love_ ice cream. I want to marry ice cream and have its babies," Jed says.

 

"I suppose I'll have to fight ice cream for your hand, then," Octavius says, licking up a drop of ice cream rolling down the cone.

 

Jedediah watches Octavius's tongue, then snaps his eyes away. "Hm. You wanna put a ring on this?"

 

Octavius looks at Jed thoughtfully, biting into his ice cream because even when he gets regular ice cream he still is a complete trainwreck anywhere near the stuff. "Maybe someday," he says.

 

"I'll have you know, Mr. Gay-Ass, that I got married to Al Capone in first grade. We gave each other Ring Pops and everything, so it was all official," Jed says.

 

"Well I think Al's boyfriend Napoleon might have an issue with that," Octavius says. "You'll have to bring it up next time you see them."

 

Jedediah reaches across the table and curls his fingers into Octavius's. "Don't worry, Ockie. One first grade Ring Pop wedding won't deter me. Besides, we got a divorce a week later because Al wouldn't share his cookies with me at lunch. It was a tragically short-lived marriage."

 

"Why am I not surprised," Octavius deadpans. Jedediah simply sticks his tongue out at Octavius and keeps their hands laced together.

 

They don't talk much as they finish up their ice cream, and even after they just lounge around for a little while, enjoying the air conditioning. Finally, Jedediah sighs and digs through the pocket of his board shorts, coming up with a hair tie that he promptly uses to tie his hair up in a messy bun. He looks over at Octavius and purses his lips, reaching out to run his fingers through the shaggy curls.

 

"Before you go get it cut, you should let me put your hair up," Jed says.

 

Octavius shrugs. "If you want. Lance makes me put my hair up when it gets especially long. He barely believes in haircuts, unless his mother practically begs him to get a trim."

 

Jedediah nods, then pats Octavius's head. Jed stands, arching his back in a stretch. "I'm gonna head to the bathroom, then we can get back to the beach."

 

Octavius watches him walk away, and the phantom of Jed's hands in his hair reminds Octavius of a conversation he'd had with Lancelot's mother before graduation.

 

_"How do you know if you've found the one?" Octavius had asked._

_Lancelot's mother, Sabah, had smiled knowingly, glancing over at Jedediah. "You know they're the one when you realize you'd do anything to be with them, anything to keep them safe and happy and at your side."_

_"What if they can't always be at your side? What if there's something trying to keep you apart?"_

_Sabah stroked Octavius's hair fondly, as she would do to her own son when he was young. "You know, my family didn't want me to marry Aidan. It was a big scandal for me to marry someone who isn't Pakistani. They told me it went against tradition, but I couldn't see what was wrong with me marrying him. He's a strapping man, well-educated, respectful. The only real fault he had was that he wasn't originally from Pakistan, and that he was 'as white as snow,' as my sister put it. He was even a Muslim, but they still didn't approve of our marriage."_

_Octavius frowned at her. "So why did you marry him, if your whole family told you not to?"_

_Sabah's eyes sought out her husband, finding him as if drawn by some preternatural force. "He's the one. I loved - still love - him enough to defy my family's wishes."_

_"Do you regret it?" Octavius asked._

_"Not one bit. We had a wonderful wedding, a gorgeous son, and my family came around eventually. Lancelot was the bridge we needed to cross the gap, and so when he came out, Lance let us rename him Samir Lancelot, to honor my father and Aidan's grandfather. They still aren't completely won over by Aidan, but they all love Lancelot." Sabah looked back at Octavius, eyes kind. "What I'm saying, my dear, is that when you find the one, you'll never want to let them go. You'll hold on with everything you have in you, and you'll hope it's enough."_

_Octavius had nodded, and looked to Jedediah. He'd been smiling, beautiful and radiant even under the harsh stadium lights. "Thank you," Octavius said._

_He'd have to hold tight to Jedediah, but Octavius believed that they could weather the storm._

 

"Ockie, you ready to go?"

 

Octavius blinks out of the memory, smiling up at his boyfriend. Jedediah extends a hand, which Octavius gladly takes, and they exit the air conditioned shop out into the bright, hot sunlight.

 

Later, Octavius is dragged out to get cake and candles, and though he fusses about it, he's secretly pleased to have an excuse to maintain his hold on Jedediah's hand.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

** JULY **

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"So what would like to do this month?"

 

"One thing for a whole month?"

 

"Come on. Road trip? Stay in bed all day doing sinful stuff to each other? Run away and join the circus?"

 

"All of that sounds _so_ appealing."

 

"Ockieeeeee. The world is our oyster, boi! We could do whatever we want."

 

"Maybe I just want to spend our last months in town at your side."

 

"Aw, you sap. But we can't just sit around and do nothing for two months."

 

"Can't we?"

 

"What d'you have in mind?"

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"I think I'm in love with Lito."

 

"Am I going to have to fight him for you?"

 

"You just might, Ockie. You just might."

 

"I've heard Orange is the New Black is good."

 

"What's stopping us from horning in on that?"

 

"Nothing at all, Jed. Not a single thing."

 

"I'll queue it up?"

 

"I shall retrieve more popcorn!"

 

"What a nerd."

 

" _Your_ nerd."

 

"Yeah, you sure are."

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"Jedediah, I'm in love with Poussey."

 

"But Ockie, she's a woman!"

 

"Love know no bounds, Jedediah."

 

"Yeah? Well you better bind that shit, 'cause ol' Jedediah's got something to say about it."

 

"Yes? What does 'ol' Jedediah' have to say?"

 

"Aw, nothing much. Just that I love you."

 

"You sap."

 

"Hush up, the next episode's starting."

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"Ooh, Ockie. Look at this Buzzfeed quiz."

 

"['Which Star Trek Captain Are You?'](http://www.buzzfeed.com/adambvary/star-trek-captain-quiz) Hm, looks promising."

 

"I hope I get Kirk!"

 

"..."

 

"..."

 

"..."

 

"Aw hell yeah!"

 

"Hm, Janeway for me, Classic Kirk for you. I think it fits well."

 

"Knew I'd get Kirk. I. Knew. It."

 

"Congratulations, Jedediah."

 

"Y'know, I always had the _biggest_ crush on him. I even dressed up as him for Halloween one year, and Jess, um, Jess dressed up as Spock. That was a good year."

 

"Sounds like it. I was never able to decide who to dress up as for Halloween. For a while, I was really into comic books, so I wanted to be Falcon. My parents weren't around that Halloween, though, and the nanny didn't want to bother with taking me out, so I cut up some cardboard wings and then tried to fly down the stairs."

 

"Ouch. How'd that work out?"

 

"I broke my collarbone and my parents fired the nanny."

 

"Saw that coming."

 

"The nanny didn't."

 

 

\- - -

 

 

 

 

\- - -

 

 

They kiss slowly, like it's something special. Jed's palm is warm against Octavius's cheek; Octavius's fingers burn a brand against the skin of Jedediah's lower back.

 

Jed groans into Octavius's mouth, and they both jerk back from each other, glaring down at Richard Wagner, who's wormed her way between them.

 

"You just gotta go and step right on your papa's schlong, dontcha Ricky?" Jedediah says.

 

The cat stares up at Jedediah with her big green eyes and says, " _Mrow_."

 

With a sigh, Octavius scoops Richard Wagner up into his arms and flops back on Jed's bed, letting the cat get comfortable on top of him. "I've been cock-blocked by Richard Wagner. A sentence I never thought I'd say."

 

"Heh, yeah. Cock-blocked. Cock. Coooooock. Ock. Ockie. Cock-Ockie. Cockie? Octavius. Cock-Octavius," Jed says.

 

"Don't you do it," Octavius warns, trying to peek over the orange fluff on his chest.

 

Jedediah leans over his boyfriend and his cat and settles himself comfortably on Octavius's legs. "Cocktavius Gay-Ass," he says proudly.

 

Octavius groans and closes his eyes.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"Today's a good day to have-"

 

"A good time out in the sunshine," Octavius interrupts. "I agree whole-heartedly."

 

Jedediah looks over at Octavius, his shorts and sunglasses and dumb, smarmy face. "I was gonna say s-"

 

"Sun. Fun. That's what you were going to say. We're going to the pool today," Octavius says."

 

"Public pools are disgusting, boi," Jedediah says, already envisioning all the screaming children and the uncaring lifeguards.

 

Octavius rolls his eyes. "They are pretty awful. That's why we aren't going to a public pool. Ahk's throwing a pool party today and we're invited."

 

"Wait, why do you know about this before me?" Jed asks, but follows Octavius when he starts walking toward the front door.

 

"Because you," Octavius glares at him, "slept until three in the afternoon yesterday and never responded to Amelia's texts. So she called me instead, and I told her I'd make sure you were there."

 

Jedediah glances guiltily at his phone. "That would explain why I had six messages from Ace."

 

"Get in the car, we've got to be at Ahk's place by one," Octavius says.

 

"Wait, I don't even have my swim trunks," Jed says, and almost as soon as the words leave his mouth he gets hit in the face with balled-up fabric. He scrambles to catch it and frowns at Octavius. "Okay, that just isn't fair. Did you just _have_ these or what?"

 

Octavius shrugs, one foot in the car as he waits for Jed. "I grabbed them when you were in the shower earlier. Don't act so surprised. Come on, we've got to go."

 

Jedediah sighs but obliges his boyfriend, climbing into the car. They're mostly quiet on the ride to Ahk's house, the radio hooked up to Octavius's phone and playing his weird mishmash of orchestral scores, electronic, and obnoxious pop music.

 

" _'CAUSE I'VE BEEN SICK AND WORKING ALL WEEK AND I'VE BEEN DOING JUST FINE. HEY! YOU'VE BEEN TIRED OF WATCHING ME, FORGOT TO HAVE A GOOD TIME, BOY. YOU CAN'T TAKE IT, ALL THESE FACES, NEVER KEEPING IT REAL. I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEEEEEEEL~_ "

 

"Ockie can you _please_ stop yelling along to Rita Ora?" Jed pleads.

 

" _WHEN YOU YOU SAY YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH, AND YOU MIGHT JUST GIVE IT UP. OH OH, I WILL NEVER LET YOU DOWN_ -"

 

"Ockieeeeeeeeee," Jedediah says.

 

" _WHEN YOU'RE FEELING LOW ON-_ "

 

Jedediah turns the radio off and Octavius pouts for the rest of the drive to Ahk's house.

 

By the time Jed and Ockie get to Ahk's, everybody else is already there. Jedediah wastes no time in changing into his swim trunks and charging into the pool. Octavius, because he is _much_ more mature than Jedediah, waits at least long enough to greet his friends before he cannonballs into the pool to try and soak the already-soaked Jed.

 

Amelia sighs, watching Jed and Octavius splash each other and giggle like little kids while Wea and Teddy hang out in the shallows. "Do you see what I mean, Ahk?"

 

Ahk nods. "It's disgusting, like watching a unicorn explode into confetti and blood."

 

"Do you always have to make sure weird comparisons?" Amelia asks.

 

"Too dark, then?" Ahkmenrah says, "Nicky's always telling me I should lighten up."

 

Amelia frowns, glancing around. "Where _is_ Nick?"

 

Ahk's lips twitch downwards. "Inside. He's self-conscious about his scars. Lance can walk around shirtless, but it's still difficult for Nicky, since it's pretty new for him."

 

"Ah, yeah. I can imagine. It still isn't the easiest thing for Lance, either, but it gets better with time," Amelia says.

 

They nod at each other, then go back to watching Jedediah and Octavius horse around like the children they are.

 

Later, when everyone has at least dipped their toes in the pool, they all head inside to watch movies while Ahk's father is putting together what Ahk's mother had called a "healthy vegetable platter." Of course, because Ahk's parents believe very firmly in the go-big-or-go-home philosophy, it ends up being a veritable cornucopia of fruits and vegetables. Even then it's just barely enough to feed a living room full of ravenous teenagers.

 

"So," Jed says around his mouthful of fruit, and Octavius smacks him admonishingly.

 

"Don't talk with your mouth full, it's impolite."

 

Jedediah rolls his eyes and swallows. "Okay, Mom."

 

"If anything, he'd be your daddy," Amelia says.

 

" _Octo_ daddy," Octavius agrees, wiggling his eyebrows at his boyfriend.

 

Jed scowls and pushes Octavius's face away. " _So_ ," he says again, "I think it's pretty wild that we're almost done with July. Seems like just yesterday we were graduating. A week ago it was my birthday, right?"

 

Amelia nods. "Yeah, last month we started senior year."

 

Lance frowns at her. "Has it really only been six months since we were freshman?"

 

Nicky grins. "Just a year ago, we were in middle school."

 

"Two years ago we were starting school, it seems," Wea says.

 

"Our 'squad' has come so far," Teddy says.

 

Jed sighs. "Teddy, what did I tell you about saying the word 'squad?' You sound like a total dad."

 

" _Jed_ ," Teddy says in a deeper voice than usual, " _I am your father_."

 

"Sometimes I wish you were, man. You'd be a good dad," Jedediah says.

 

Teddy looks pleased with himself. "Why thank you, son."

 

"Okay, that's enough of that," Amelia says, rolling her eyes. "You aren't really his dad. But, let me be the mom-friend for a second. So, what's everybody planning on doing after the summer? College, taking a year off, what?"

 

They go around, talking about their plans. Nicky is, of course, entering his senior year, but Ahkmenrah is heading to Cambridge, as far from his brother as possible. Wea already has an internship lined up at a wildlife refuge in New Jersey, and is going to a school near it. Teddy is, (totally not) coincidentally, going to the same school in the hopes of becoming a zoologist. Lancelot has a partial football scholarship to Michigan State and Amelia's heading down to Houston for her NASA internship. Jedediah and Octavius are going to Yale and MIT, respectively.

 

"Ooh, Mister Bigshot Gaius over here, getting into MIT. Congrats, dude. You know, after high school I'm thinking of going to Ibiza. Might have some fun down there, yeah?" Nicky says. "That's a year away, of course, and my dad might try to convince me out of it, but right now that's what I'm thinking about."

 

Ahk twines his fingers with Nicky's. "Maybe I'll come with you to Ibiza, for a while."

 

"Would you do that?" Nicky asks, smiling.

 

Ahk shrugs. "I don't see why I wouldn't," he says.

 

"Ugh," Amelia says. "Another tooth-rottingly sweet couple. Lancey, we're surrounded."

 

Lancelot rolls his eyes and puts his arm over Amelia's shoulders, kissing her temple. "We're one of them, Meel."

 

Amelia rolls her eyes back at him, but leans into him, reaching up to hold onto the hand dangling over her shoulder.

 

Wea looks at Teddy, whose hand she's been holding the whole time, and shakes her head good-naturedly.

 

"Wild kids, hm, Wea?" Teddy says quietly, and she smiles fondly at him.

 

Jedediah lays across Octavius's lap, and Octavius strokes through Jedediah's long locks.

 

 _Mulan_ plays on in the background, chaos and violence and heroism, but in that living room there's peace.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

** AUGUST **

 

 

\- - -

 

 

Jedediah wakes up in Octavius's bed with three weeks left before he leaves for Yale. Sunlight slants in between the blinds, cutting through Ockie's gauzy curtains like a hot knife through butter. It's still and silent aside from Octavius's quiet breaths and the distant twittering of birds. Jedediah watches Octavius, cataloguing his boyfriend's slack, sleeping face and the way the light plays over his features. Jedediah knows about the times people have looked at Octavius strangely, had seen the differences in the coloration of his skin and had equated the asymmetry to ugliness. To Jed, though, Octavius is the most beautiful person in the world.

 

Octavius's eyes flutter, as if he knows he's being watched. He yawns and stretches as he wakes up, eyes peeling open and alighting immediately on Jedediah. Octavius smiles, all sleep-soft and sticky sweet. Sleepily, Octavius knits their fingers together under the blanket, squeezing Jed's hand gently. "G' m'ning," Octavius mumbles, eyes slipping closed again.

 

Jedediah's chest fills with warmth, bubbling and fizzing and so impossibly light. He's swept over by waves of adoration, exaltation, and closes his eyes against them, not wanting to keep them out but to lock them in to hold onto forever. "Good mornin', Ockie. Love you."

 

Octavius's eyes open into slits, just wide enough so he can look at Jed. "I love you, too," he says, much clearer than his earlier words. They kiss, ignoring each others' morning breath.

 

They hold hands, they smile at each other, they exchange sleepy kisses, and the world spins on.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"Jedediah, I don't know why you're only wearing cowboy boots and a bright pink thong, but whatever the reason, please go put some clothes on."

 

"The art of seduction is lost on you, Ockie."

 

"If this is you trying to seduce me, it's a bit much."

 

"Hmph! See if I ever try to look nice for you again."

 

"Alright, Jed. Have fun getting clothed."

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"Ockie you can't come over today."

 

"What? Why not?"

 

"I'm in a writing _frenzy_. I just got this really great idea for my novel and I've been writing all morning."

 

"Have you eaten? Do you have a drink?"

 

"I don't have _time_ for that, Ockie! What if the _muse_ flies _away_ because I just _had_ to go and get some _water_?"

 

"That was an unnecessary amount of emphasis."

 

"Gotta go, babe! Loveyoubye!"

 

"Love yo- Did you just hang up on me? ... Jed? ... Ugh."

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"Jed, it's been a week."

 

"The motivation remains, Ockie."

 

"Can't you just write later? We don't have much time left together."

 

"You ain't a writer, boi, I can't expect you to understand. I have motivation now, so I gotta write now. I'm sorry."

 

"Whatever. Just, call me when you can hang out, I suppose?"

 

"I will, Ockie. I promise we'll still have time to be together before we gotta go."

 

"Alright. I'll see you?"

 

"Of course. Talk to you later, Ockie. Love you."

 

"I love you, too. Farewell."

 

 

\- - -

 

 

Jed shows up at Octavius's house at 3 am, dark circles under his eyes and a tired grin on his face. Octavius helps Jedediah to bed, and Jed falls asleep with his clothes on, face down in a sea of pillows. The next morning Jedediah seems confused about where he is, but then finds he doesn't mind much when he realizes he's at Octavius's.

 

"When'd I get here?" Jed asks himself, creases from the pillows on his face.

 

"Around three in the morning," Octavius says from his desk, startling Jed.

 

Jedediah blinks at Ockie, then down at himself. "Still dressed, too. How outta it was I?"

 

Octavius purses his lips. "Pretty out of it. You fell _up_ the stairs."

 

"That might explain why my knee hurts," Jed says, nodding.

 

Octavius sighs at his boyfriend and goes downstairs. Since Jed's here, Octavius isn't going to let him leave without feeding him first. Who knows if he's been getting enough food this past week? Octavius has to make sure Jed at least has _something_ in his stomach.

 

Jedediah lumbers into the kitchen around ten minutes later and eats his food slowly, like he's not quite in possession of all his faculties, yet. Octavius leans against the counter and scrolls through Instagram while he waits for Jed to finish up, liking a picture of Amelia and Lance at the lake.

 

"Y'know," Jedediah says, "I'm gonna miss this."

 

"Miss what? Stumbling into my house at some godforsaken hour after having a week-and-a-half-long writing bender?" Octavius says.

 

Jedediah ignores the jab and shakes his head. "The fact that you still let me sleep in your bed, then made me food when I woke up."

 

Octavius sighs, putting his phone down. "Of course I did, Jed. I love you, you know I do. I'm sorry I've been pissy about it, I'm just not happy that we don't have as much time left as I'd like."

 

Jed gets up, circling the counter to come stand with his boyfriend. Jed wraps his arms around Octavius's middle and rests his chin on his shoulder. Octavius leans his head against Jedediah's and puts his palm on the flat expanse of his back.

 

"Thanks for taking care of me, boi," Jedediah says into Octavius's neck.

 

Octavius presses a kiss into Jed's hair. "Always."

 

Jed jerks away then, eyes wide and smile bright. "We should make friendship bracelets!"

 

"Friendship bracelets? We're a little more than friends, Jed," Octavius says.

 

"Promise bracelets? Is that a thing?" Jedediah says.

 

Octavius's eyebrows shoot towards his hairline. "You want to promise yourself to me?"

 

"I want something that'll promise we ain't quitting this," Jed says. "It's on the sentimental side, but it'd make me feel better about leaving you, I think, if I had something to signify that just 'cause we ain't _together_ don't mean we ain't _together_ , y'know?"

 

"I...think I understand," Octavius says. "We can do that, if you want to."

 

Jedediah grins and grabs Octavius's hand. "C'mon Ockie, we gotta go to a craft store! Get your keys."

 

"We're going now?" Octavius asks, but reaches for his keys anyway.

 

"No time like the present, is there?" Jed says, and hurries them out to the car, not giving Octavius a chance to reconsider.

 

Jedediah picks out all of the colors for their bracelets, claiming that Octavius has no sense of what goes together after Octavius tries to hand him orange and green.

 

"We're gonna do this right," Jed says at the checkout counter.

 

"Is there a wrong way to do friendship bracelets?" Octavius asks.

 

Jed gives him a disgusted look, then turns to the cashier. "Just this, yeah," he says.

 

When it's all done and paid for, they drive back to Octavius's house, Jedediah's synthpop and classic rock blaring as he shouts along with it, windows open so his hair whips around his face.

 

"Red, white, and gold for me, 'cause those are your colors," Jed says, handing the nylon string to Octavius. "You get red, blue, and black, 'cause those are my colors."

 

Octavius frowns at Jedediah. "What do you mean 'our colors?' They're just colors."

 

Jed rolls his eyes. "You're the most inattentive person, I swear. Your football uniform, boi, it's red, gold, and white. Blue, red, and black are the colors I wear the most of. It's basically my entire wardrobe." Jed nods at him, like he expects Octavius to understand, so Ockie nods back to appease him. "You'll make mine and I'll make yours. I can teach you how, if you don't know."

 

"I know how to make friendship bracelets," Octavius says, digging around in his desk drawer and emerging with a roll of tape. "It's always good to have tape."

 

Jedediah turns his music on, and they work side-by-side to Led Zeppelin and Chvrches, Red Hot Chili Peppers and Gorrilaz, and a surprising amount of Sara Bareilles.

 

Octavius finishes his bracelet triumphantly, snipping off the ends with a flourish and looking over to see how far along Jed is. What he sees is his boyfriend completely still aside from his slightly moving lips, the finished bracelet held loosely in his hands. Confused, Octavius listens to the song, wondering what could be so important about it.

 

_"You are all I long for_

_All I worship and adore_

_In other words, please be true_

_In other words, I love you"_

 

"Sinatra?" Octavius says.

 

Jed jolts, turning to look at Octavius. He smiles sadly, looking back down at the bracelet in his hands. "Um, yeah. Ma's favorite song. She, um, she used to sing it to me and Jess when we were kids. Ever since I've listened to it when I was feeling down. Didn't know it was in this playlist."

 

Octavius purses his lips, thinking. He crawls to Jedediah, arranging his legs awkwardly underneath himself and reaching for Jed's phone, unlocking it and waiting for _Fly Me To The Mooni_ to end. He switches to the YouTube app and types quickly, hiding the screen from Jedediah's curious eyes.

 

_"The lights go out and I can't be saved_

_Tides that I tried to swim against_

_Have brought me down upon my knees_

_Oh I beg, I beg and plead, singing"_

 

"Lucian's favorite song," Octavius says to preempt Jedediah's question. "He was a big fan of Coldplay."

 

Jedediah nods, and hesitantly takes Octavius's hand. Octavius smiles at him and squeezes his hand, so Jed leans against him. They put the bracelets on each other and close their eyes, letting the music take them away.

 

_"Come out upon my seas_

_Cursed missed opportunities_

_Am I part of the cure?_

_Or am I part of the disease? Singing_

_You are, you are, you are_

_You are, you are, you are"_

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"How should we spend our last week together?" Octavius asks.

 

Jed hums thoughtfully, tapping at his computer for another couple of seconds before turning to his boyfriend. "Shitty movies, bad YouTube videos, video games, popcorn, and lots of snuggling?"

 

Octavius smiles. "It's like you read my mind."

 

And so it goes.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

** SEPTEMBER **

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"You all packed?"

 

"Regrettably, yes."

 

"Just wish we had more time together."

 

"We took too long to get to this point, didn't we?"

 

"Nah, I think we took just long enough."

 

"Have you had a good summer?"

 

"Yeah, boi. I'll miss you more than I'd miss my own arm if it weren't connected to my body for some reason."

 

"Oddly enough, I believe you. I return the sentiment."

 

"Oh, don't you get all formalspeak on me."

 

"Alright, just this once. I'll miss you too, Jedediah. I already do."

 

"No goodbyes yet, okay? No goodbyes at all. Tomorrow, let's just say something like 'Auf Wiedersehen.'"

 

"I'll see you tomorrow."

 

"Until tomorrow, then."

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"I have one last thing to say," Octavius says, taking Jedediah's hand.

 

"I know you love me, boi," Jed says.

 

Octavius rolls his eyes. "I do love you. Very much so. But that isn't what I want to say." He looks at Jed seriously. "Do you remember when we first met? It was a decade ago, at the Museum of Natural History. Maybe it was chance that we wound up there on the same day, but maybe it was something more, some cosmic interference," Jedediah rolls his eyes, but Octavius plows on. "I don't know what brought us both there, but I remember you. You were too short to see into the cowboy diorama, so I brought you a box to stand on. I could tell you weren't very happy about it, but you let me help you."

 

Jedediah blinks, squinting at Octavius. He remembers that day, too, remembers accepting a helping hand from a boy his age who'd had skin like he'd never seen before. He'd always wondered what had happened to that boy, and it seems like maybe they'd found their way back to each other.

 

"I met Jeremiah Smith that day, and I might've fallen a bit in love with the short boy who wanted nothing more than to see the cowboys. Look at me now, ten years later and in love with Jedediah Williams," Octavius says. "I might always love him, if he'll let me."

 

"Oh, Ockie," Jed says, an uncontrollable smile breaking out over his face. He cups Octavius's jaw and pulls him into a kiss that;s heartbreaking and soft and sweet all rolled up in one. "This isn't goodbye," Jed says when they part. "I hate goodbyes. Maybe in another decade we'll be curled up together, with the rest of our lives ahead of us. I just know that, no matter what happens, I'll always remember that boy from the museum. I'll always love him."

 

Octavius places his hand over Jedediah's wanting to keep contact for as long as possible. "And what of the man he's become?"

 

Jed's fingers trace over Octavius's skin. "Well, I think he's pretty swell, too."

 

They kiss again, still soft and quiet, but then they have to part ways, off to their respective schools and whoever they'll grow to be. It's not a perfect fairytale ending, or an ending at all. There's no pretty pink carriage to cart them off to their castle in the clouds, no angels singing from the sky. Maybe that will come later, but for now Octavius drives away feeling the heat from Jed's palm on his jaw, Jedediah doesn't stop smiling on the long drive to Yale, and for the time being, they're happy.

 

 

\- - -

 

 

** EPILOGUE **

****

** FOUR YEARS LATER **

 

 

\- - -

 

 

"How's it feel bein' back on the old turf?" Jedediah says, and Octavius feels a smile split his face.

 

"Just fine. How does that Yale diploma feel?" Octavius asks without turning from his still-packed car.

 

"Aw, it don't feel that different. What feels mighty different is being a published author. Least now I can finally get that teaching job I've been gunning for, just like that apartment we had our eyes on," Jed says, and he's closer now, close enough that when Octavius turns he can see the twinkle in his too-blue eyes.

 

"Is that right?" Octavius says, stepping closer, into Jed's personal space.

 

Jedediah tucks his fingers in the bracelet on Octavius's wrist, the familiar red and blue and black. "I see you've kept it, all these years."

 

Octavius kisses Jedediah's cheek, reaching for the matching red and gold and white that Jed wears. "A promise is a promise, is it not?"

 

Jed smiles privately, something just for Octavius to see. He lifts Ockie's hand and presses a kiss to the silver band on the ring finger, winking. "Sure as anything," he says softly. Octavius toys at the corresponding ring on Jedediah's own finger, and really, who doesn't expect the kiss that follows?

 

The lease is signed, their student loans are massive, but soon they'll be making their own money, Octavius's parents can help out is they get into a financial crisis, and they're together, in it for the long haul. They've got each other, they've got friends and family, they've got Richard Wagner yowling at them from the cat carrier in the back of Jedediah's car, and they have the rest of their lives to become the people they need each other to be.

 

They won't forget, they'll never forget, but for the first time in a long time it feels more like looking to the future than staying hung up on the past, and they'll take what they can get.

**Author's Note:**

> implied/referenced suicide, past character death: octavius's previous boyfriend killed himself; octavius contemplated suicide but was stopped from going through with it
> 
> car accidents, past character death: jessica, jedediah's twin sister, was killed in a car accident
> 
> child abuse, alcoholism: jedediah's father is an alcoholic and is verbally/emotionally abusive to his son and wife. he may have been physically abusive too, but it is never mentioned onscreen
> 
> implied/referenced self-harm, self-hatred: jedediah shows octavius his self-harm scars; jedediah blames himself for his sister's death, his father's alcoholism, and his mother's dependency on pharmaceuticals and claims he hated/hates himself
> 
> self-hatred: octavius says he hated/hates himself
> 
> emotional manipulation: octavius says manipulative things to jedediah/tries to guilt-trip jed ("if you were really my best friend" kind of stuff) and jed calls him out on it
> 
> name changes: jedediah was originally named jeremiah smith, but by the end he's changed his name to jedediah williams (yes his last name is a lil nod to robin williams)
> 
> nicky and lancelot are trans, octavius has vitiligo, custer is nonbinary and in an aromantic relationship with attila, amelia is asexual
> 
> ((also the one snap of the unidentified man is Greg Saniatan and that's a pic from when he was on ABDC [america's best dance crew] jsyk))


End file.
